I started three blogs today and I deleted each one because I felt like I was going to offend someone. Why is it that I care that I might offend someone? It shouldn't matter, right? I'm 45 years old, and am married with children. It's not like my husband or my kids will give up on me and say 'you can't say that!' They don't really read what I post anyway.
I know that although I have a good number of Facebook friends, I can probably count on both hands the number of people that actually read my posts. O.k., so it might be slightly more than that.
So in lieu of writing those three blogs, I'm just going to write up my pet peeve list and you can do with it what you will. These of course aren't limited to social media...this is real life people.
1) Girls that find it necessary to stick out their tongues in every fucking selfie they take. Once, it's cute. Two, ok, I get it. Every picture later? I'm sick of looking at your tongue.
2) Selfies in the bathroom. Seriously? Do you think that a picture with a toilet is your best option?
3) Forwards about missing animals in locations where you don't even have friends or families in. No one is seeing your post.
4) Don't tell me your going to give me details on Friday for a project due on Wednesday and make sure I don't even have it in hand by Tuesday morning.
5) No, I cannot give you every single picture I took of your family. There is a reason why I filter through the images, because some of them are bad, and it's my reputation that will get hit if those photo's get out. I hindsight, I'm not claiming to be a professional photographer. I've taken crappy shots and posted them (sorry!). I want you and your family to look their best, so don't ask for something that I'm not prepared to give you for free. I told you that when we started.
6) When you are creeping in on 50, don't dress like you are a roadie for White Snake. Even surgically enhanced Tawny Kitain looks better than you today.
7) If you are underage, stop posting about how drunk you got over the weekend. Use some common sense. What you post will never go away, and as soon get your head out of your ass, get married and have kids, your kids will find that shit on Facebook and do the same thing you are doing. And lets not even get started on college and job recruiters. That follows you everywhere.
8) Why is it that every time I think I'm going to beat traffic, I get stuck behind the fucker that won't change lanes?
9) I won't apologize for my use of the word fuck. Yes, I know I sound like a truck driver, but sometimes its just the best option out there.
10) I'm sorry you are struggling with your child graduating high school and can't cope with them leaving the nest. I am too, but I am also looking forward to it. When I cry in June it will be tears of joy, not because I'm afraid my son is leaving me and never coming back.
11) Please stop forwarding me emails, when I'm on the original string. I've already seen in, and I don't need to see it again because you are too lazy to see who the email went to.
12) Don't act like you like me, when in reality you've said shit behind my back and shared it with mutual 'friends'. If you have something to say, say it to my face. For Christ sake, we aren't 15 years old anymore.
13) Why have you collected ~3,000 Facebook friends? Do you really believe that 3,000 people give a shit about what you post? You aren't Ellen or Oprah. Having 300 is pushing the limits on what I can handle. Maybe your just a better person than me.
14) Don't really believe my pet peeve is about you. You aren't that interesting. Sorry.
15) I'm pretty good at remembering things you've told me; don't lie and tell me something else five minutes later.
Note: related to 1 and 2, I've deleted 90% of the offenders. So unless you are a 40-something slave to the selfie, you are probably safe.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
On Writing, Marriage and Family
So today I officially launched my first book, Raising Doug, on Amazon (Raising Doug). It's a little glimpse into what makes our marriage tick. Doug gave me his blessing on writing it. Actually, it was his idea. Over four years of dating and 23 years of marriage, you become accustomed to your spouse. The beauty of what makes our marriage work is that we are in it together. We laugh often, even when life seems to serve up a shit sandwich.
The last few years haven't be great for us as a family. Too many hospital visits, lost jobs, struggling to start a new business and just dealing with day to day life sometimes takes a toll on a family. We lost Doug's dad this past year, which was devastating to our family and life after became the new normal.
The best part of the last few years, is that we did everything as a family. Things have been changing over the last few years as our boys have grown. Having one son getting ready to graduate college, and another graduating high school and soon going to college, our lives have changed tremendously. There are fewer family vacations where we are all together. It's been hard to adjust to that, but I know that it's the ultimate goal when you raise a family...you want them to grow up and have their own lives.
I often wonder what life will be like in just a few short months when Doug and I will be the only ones left in the house. Sure, I know that our kids will come back; and they will always be welcome. But life as we know it will be different. I won't have to buy seven gallons of milk a week, or worry that there are socks left in the hamper after a two-a-day football practice.
There will be no jockeying schedules to make sure that we can accommodate everyone in the house. There will be dinners that cost $25 and not $75, and grocery bills that are cut in half.
I will miss, though, the hugs and kisses before bed, or when we leave in the morning. I'll miss the conversations at dinner that make us laugh until we cry. I'll even miss being the homework Nazi.
Writing has been an outlet for me for the last few years. There is so much I want to say but don't because I am always afraid I'm going to offend someone. Part of the problem is that there are things people say on social media that just really piss me off. I'm naturally inquisitive, so when I see something I don't believe, I might research it to find out the truth. And then when I confirm my suspicions that the person that wrote it is full of shit, I get pissed. But I always bite my tongue because I'm worried about how it will effect our kids. Now that the boys are older, I'm starting not to care about what I say, because I'm just too old to deal with bullshit.
Some people know that I don't appreciate when people steal my work. Even as I write this, I wonder if the person that is stealing my work, will know its them I'm talking about. It doesn't help that that same person is a pathological liar. It's a dreadful combination that I have to deal with daily.
Being married to someone for 23 years, you learn to be each others sounding board, and sometimes unfortunately become each others whipping post. All too often we bark at each other after a bad day because they are the first person you see when you get home. It's never meant to hurt, but sometimes it does. So, sweetie, with that being said...I'm sorry.
Family is the most important thing in the world, and no matter what you are going through, you can count on them to make you smile. Our boys are the best at making me laugh when I'm in a bad mood, sometimes even hard enough to make me pee. Yes, sorry for that too.
I don't know what the next year will bring in my writing, let alone this little blog. I know I'm ready to be more open and get things out there that I've bottled up.
Last week I was at the doctor as a follow up to an accident Doug and I were in four months ago. I found out my blood pressure is high, and has been for the last three months. I have to stop letting things get to me, because, frankly, at 45 years old, I don't want to have a heart attack. Stress just sucks, so I will be writing more to get things off my chest. I just can't deal with keeping it inside anymore.
So, with that being said, I'm not going to apologize if you get hit in the crossfire. I'm entitled to my opinion, even if you think it sucks. If you don't like what you read, by all means, stop following me. On the flip side, if you like what I write, please share it. I think some of my stuff is too good to not share.
The last few years haven't be great for us as a family. Too many hospital visits, lost jobs, struggling to start a new business and just dealing with day to day life sometimes takes a toll on a family. We lost Doug's dad this past year, which was devastating to our family and life after became the new normal.
The best part of the last few years, is that we did everything as a family. Things have been changing over the last few years as our boys have grown. Having one son getting ready to graduate college, and another graduating high school and soon going to college, our lives have changed tremendously. There are fewer family vacations where we are all together. It's been hard to adjust to that, but I know that it's the ultimate goal when you raise a family...you want them to grow up and have their own lives.
I often wonder what life will be like in just a few short months when Doug and I will be the only ones left in the house. Sure, I know that our kids will come back; and they will always be welcome. But life as we know it will be different. I won't have to buy seven gallons of milk a week, or worry that there are socks left in the hamper after a two-a-day football practice.
There will be no jockeying schedules to make sure that we can accommodate everyone in the house. There will be dinners that cost $25 and not $75, and grocery bills that are cut in half.
I will miss, though, the hugs and kisses before bed, or when we leave in the morning. I'll miss the conversations at dinner that make us laugh until we cry. I'll even miss being the homework Nazi.
Writing has been an outlet for me for the last few years. There is so much I want to say but don't because I am always afraid I'm going to offend someone. Part of the problem is that there are things people say on social media that just really piss me off. I'm naturally inquisitive, so when I see something I don't believe, I might research it to find out the truth. And then when I confirm my suspicions that the person that wrote it is full of shit, I get pissed. But I always bite my tongue because I'm worried about how it will effect our kids. Now that the boys are older, I'm starting not to care about what I say, because I'm just too old to deal with bullshit.
Some people know that I don't appreciate when people steal my work. Even as I write this, I wonder if the person that is stealing my work, will know its them I'm talking about. It doesn't help that that same person is a pathological liar. It's a dreadful combination that I have to deal with daily.
Being married to someone for 23 years, you learn to be each others sounding board, and sometimes unfortunately become each others whipping post. All too often we bark at each other after a bad day because they are the first person you see when you get home. It's never meant to hurt, but sometimes it does. So, sweetie, with that being said...I'm sorry.
Family is the most important thing in the world, and no matter what you are going through, you can count on them to make you smile. Our boys are the best at making me laugh when I'm in a bad mood, sometimes even hard enough to make me pee. Yes, sorry for that too.
I don't know what the next year will bring in my writing, let alone this little blog. I know I'm ready to be more open and get things out there that I've bottled up.
Last week I was at the doctor as a follow up to an accident Doug and I were in four months ago. I found out my blood pressure is high, and has been for the last three months. I have to stop letting things get to me, because, frankly, at 45 years old, I don't want to have a heart attack. Stress just sucks, so I will be writing more to get things off my chest. I just can't deal with keeping it inside anymore.
So, with that being said, I'm not going to apologize if you get hit in the crossfire. I'm entitled to my opinion, even if you think it sucks. If you don't like what you read, by all means, stop following me. On the flip side, if you like what I write, please share it. I think some of my stuff is too good to not share.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Where Are My Friends?
Is it just me, or as you scroll through your Facebook feed you are seeing less of your friends updates and more advertising, pop culture and business postings?
I joined Facebook many moons ago to keep an eye on my kids. Don't deny it, you've done it too. Today, I use it daily both personally and for work. My friends know that I am a photography junkie and use it as an outlet to post pictures, as well as send updates for the boys sports teams, or post random blogs of things going on in my head (hence, this post).
As I popped on this morning after needing a break from and ad campaign I was writing, my feed was filled with everything expect friends posts.
The top 20 posts this morning came from:
Wissports
Pop Sugar Moms
Club Mid
Scary Mommy
The Chive
Club Mid
The Chive
Matthew Crowley Photography
Writers Write
The Chive
Slice of Life
Adobe Stock
Illustrated Monthly
Illustrated Monthly
The Rachael Ray Show
Love this Life
Northwoods
A Room with a View
Club Mid
Log Homes
Not a single friend post. Nothing from family. Maybe I logged in too early. Maybe every one on my friends list is actually working and not taking a five minute break from work. Maybe, I'm just a junkie that likes to know what people are thinking about and posting about.
I know, I know. I followed these pages. I wanted their info. Sometimes its just overwhelming. Don't get me wrong...much of it is relevant. There was a good story on Writers Write, and I like to look through Matthew Crowley's pictures. It was intriguing to see Channing Tatum in a gown and Elsa wig singing "Let it Go", enough so I want to watch "Lip Sync Battle" to see what else he does.
The click of one button changed my feed. If you are finding yourself losing out on what your friends are doing, in the news feed section, click most recent instead of scrolling through top stories. You'll be glad you did.
I joined Facebook many moons ago to keep an eye on my kids. Don't deny it, you've done it too. Today, I use it daily both personally and for work. My friends know that I am a photography junkie and use it as an outlet to post pictures, as well as send updates for the boys sports teams, or post random blogs of things going on in my head (hence, this post).
As I popped on this morning after needing a break from and ad campaign I was writing, my feed was filled with everything expect friends posts.
The top 20 posts this morning came from:
Wissports
Pop Sugar Moms
Club Mid
Scary Mommy
The Chive
Club Mid
The Chive
Matthew Crowley Photography
Writers Write
The Chive
Slice of Life
Adobe Stock
Illustrated Monthly
Illustrated Monthly
The Rachael Ray Show
Love this Life
Northwoods
A Room with a View
Club Mid
Log Homes
Not a single friend post. Nothing from family. Maybe I logged in too early. Maybe every one on my friends list is actually working and not taking a five minute break from work. Maybe, I'm just a junkie that likes to know what people are thinking about and posting about.
I know, I know. I followed these pages. I wanted their info. Sometimes its just overwhelming. Don't get me wrong...much of it is relevant. There was a good story on Writers Write, and I like to look through Matthew Crowley's pictures. It was intriguing to see Channing Tatum in a gown and Elsa wig singing "Let it Go", enough so I want to watch "Lip Sync Battle" to see what else he does.
The click of one button changed my feed. If you are finding yourself losing out on what your friends are doing, in the news feed section, click most recent instead of scrolling through top stories. You'll be glad you did.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Home Sweet Home
It's December 20th, and we are all under one roof. Semester number seven is in the books for our oldest and senior year for our youngest is quickly approaching a memory.
This year, thanks to El Nino, we are staying back for Christmas Eve. Typically, we are the first family to get out of dodge, so we can capitalize on the beautiful, fresh snowmobile trails and the fact that everyone else is putting on their game faces and spending time with extended family. This year, there is little snow in the forecast, and the trails are officially closed, so we are staying back and leaving on Christmas morning.
I am looking forward to seeing family this year; it's been a hard year at best with dad passing away. We won't see everyone in both families, but I will make sure that phone calls are made or text messages sent, at least to send out wishes. The times we do stay home for Christmas, there are a lot of laughs. This year, there will probably be tears too.
This past week I wished my oldest brother a happy birthday. We haven't seen each other in years, but text occasionally, usually initiated by me after someone falls ill or passes away in our family. I talk to his kids more than I talk to him. I started my message to him calling him big brother and I told him I loved him. That day I didn't get a response. The day after I didn't get a response. Two days later I got my response in the form of an invite for our family to come to his house on the 26th. Unfortunately, we will be out of town, so we won't get to see there family. He signed his message big brother.
In all honesty, it was a huge step for our family. There had been a rift after an incident that happened 15 years ago (I still don't know what really happened) and divided our family; we rarely talk. I've never been one to give up on something, so I text every time something significant happens...I'm the baby sister, and I'll make sure that I always talk to my family even if I don't see them for every holiday.
I'm hoping that it is the first of many invitations either from his house or ours. I want our kids to know there cousins. That was one of my favorite things about growing up - spending time with my cousins.
I wish we could be there on the 26th, but our tradition is to spend time away with our family. I'll miss seeing my brother and sister-in-law, and seeing my niece and four nephews, and I'll miss meeting their significant others, and meeting my grand niece and two grand nephews. I know he won't see this unless one of his kids show it to him. I wonder what he would say.
Our vacation won't be our typical vacation where we spend every day on the beautiful trails of northern Wisconsin. This year, unless there is some northern snowstorm that develops in the next day and dumps 24 inches of snow in the next two days, our vacation will first be three of us, then five of us, then three of us again spending time together and just enjoying our down time. It's been a really long and hard year for our entire family. What we need is a little home sweet home time to regroup, refresh, and hope for a better 2016.
This year, thanks to El Nino, we are staying back for Christmas Eve. Typically, we are the first family to get out of dodge, so we can capitalize on the beautiful, fresh snowmobile trails and the fact that everyone else is putting on their game faces and spending time with extended family. This year, there is little snow in the forecast, and the trails are officially closed, so we are staying back and leaving on Christmas morning.
I am looking forward to seeing family this year; it's been a hard year at best with dad passing away. We won't see everyone in both families, but I will make sure that phone calls are made or text messages sent, at least to send out wishes. The times we do stay home for Christmas, there are a lot of laughs. This year, there will probably be tears too.
This past week I wished my oldest brother a happy birthday. We haven't seen each other in years, but text occasionally, usually initiated by me after someone falls ill or passes away in our family. I talk to his kids more than I talk to him. I started my message to him calling him big brother and I told him I loved him. That day I didn't get a response. The day after I didn't get a response. Two days later I got my response in the form of an invite for our family to come to his house on the 26th. Unfortunately, we will be out of town, so we won't get to see there family. He signed his message big brother.
In all honesty, it was a huge step for our family. There had been a rift after an incident that happened 15 years ago (I still don't know what really happened) and divided our family; we rarely talk. I've never been one to give up on something, so I text every time something significant happens...I'm the baby sister, and I'll make sure that I always talk to my family even if I don't see them for every holiday.
I'm hoping that it is the first of many invitations either from his house or ours. I want our kids to know there cousins. That was one of my favorite things about growing up - spending time with my cousins.
I wish we could be there on the 26th, but our tradition is to spend time away with our family. I'll miss seeing my brother and sister-in-law, and seeing my niece and four nephews, and I'll miss meeting their significant others, and meeting my grand niece and two grand nephews. I know he won't see this unless one of his kids show it to him. I wonder what he would say.
Our vacation won't be our typical vacation where we spend every day on the beautiful trails of northern Wisconsin. This year, unless there is some northern snowstorm that develops in the next day and dumps 24 inches of snow in the next two days, our vacation will first be three of us, then five of us, then three of us again spending time together and just enjoying our down time. It's been a really long and hard year for our entire family. What we need is a little home sweet home time to regroup, refresh, and hope for a better 2016.
Monday, December 14, 2015
40+10 Lessons Learned
It goes without saying that I read alot. Books, magazines, blogs. The back of shampoo bottles, toothpaste tubes and gel containers (don't judge...I know you do it too).
I read this blog tonight (http://www.scarymommy.com/club-mid/40-lessons-it-took-me-40-years-to-learn/) and quite a bit hit home. Here are some of my favorites:
3. Always check for toilet paper before sitting down. Your probably ok if you are in your own bathroom at home, within reaching distance of your cabinet or screaming distance of your kids, but do this at work or in a movie theatre, you'll be praying to God you have either your purse with you, or you can somehow make it from stall to stall without anyone seeing you.
6. A girl will never stop expecting other people to make a big deal about her birthday - even if she's 41 (45!). I don't necessarily agree with this. While I do think it really important that my husband, kids and mom remember, I don't care if my coworkers know what's going on. I do, however, like when my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn wishes surpass 100. I don't claim to understand why.
9. Ice cream is not better than love, and chocolate isn't better than sex. Truth.
11. Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers. Unless you across from someone you really don't like. Then that shit is EPIC.
22. Always wear underwear under white shorts. And a bra under a tank top. Unless you have the chest of a 12 year old boy, then go for it.
39. Women can have rectal exams too. Wait, what? I'll pass.
40. I still have alot to learn! This goes without saying.
What else have I learned in my 45 years? Just a few others that top my list:
1. Life is too short to work for someone you don't trust. You spend one fourth of your life working. If you can't trust your boss, move on.
2. Your kids grow up way too fast although right under your nose. Before you know it, they'll be graduating college and planning their own futures.
3. Don't feel like you need to please everyone in your extended family during the holiday season. We have chosen to change how we celebrate because sometimes it needs to be just about us, and not about everyone else. If that isn't your cup of tea, so be it. Do what's right for you.
4. Don't be ashamed if you want to go back to coloring, but avoid the 'adult coloring book' fad. It's totally ok to grab a Winnie the Pooh or Scooby Doo coloring book.
5. Rethink who you've given access to your life. If you don't interact, maybe it's time to delete.
6. You'll never get a second chance to say goodbye.
7. It's ok if swear a little too much. Unless you are in church or your child's grade school, there is still free speech...and sometimes you just need to use the word fuck.
8. Worry about who is in your house, and what you have, and not what everyone else is doing or has. You don't know their circumstances, nor do they know yours. Unless they are the type of person to post every beef they have with every person on their friends list, what their salary is, or how they've been shamed, it's none of your business.
9. Sometimes it's ok to pop a bag of popcorn, pull up a chair and watch the insults fly (see above).
10. Don't feel bad for laughing at number 9 above.
Bonus. Live every moment. Laugh every day. Love beyond words.
All-in-all, I would rather be 45 with kids nearly out of the house, than 25 and starting out over again. Do I know what this list will look like at 65? Not a clue. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out.
I read this blog tonight (http://www.scarymommy.com/club-mid/40-lessons-it-took-me-40-years-to-learn/) and quite a bit hit home. Here are some of my favorites:
3. Always check for toilet paper before sitting down. Your probably ok if you are in your own bathroom at home, within reaching distance of your cabinet or screaming distance of your kids, but do this at work or in a movie theatre, you'll be praying to God you have either your purse with you, or you can somehow make it from stall to stall without anyone seeing you.
6. A girl will never stop expecting other people to make a big deal about her birthday - even if she's 41 (45!). I don't necessarily agree with this. While I do think it really important that my husband, kids and mom remember, I don't care if my coworkers know what's going on. I do, however, like when my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn wishes surpass 100. I don't claim to understand why.
9. Ice cream is not better than love, and chocolate isn't better than sex. Truth.
11. Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers. Unless you across from someone you really don't like. Then that shit is EPIC.
22. Always wear underwear under white shorts. And a bra under a tank top. Unless you have the chest of a 12 year old boy, then go for it.
39. Women can have rectal exams too. Wait, what? I'll pass.
40. I still have alot to learn! This goes without saying.
What else have I learned in my 45 years? Just a few others that top my list:
1. Life is too short to work for someone you don't trust. You spend one fourth of your life working. If you can't trust your boss, move on.
2. Your kids grow up way too fast although right under your nose. Before you know it, they'll be graduating college and planning their own futures.
3. Don't feel like you need to please everyone in your extended family during the holiday season. We have chosen to change how we celebrate because sometimes it needs to be just about us, and not about everyone else. If that isn't your cup of tea, so be it. Do what's right for you.
4. Don't be ashamed if you want to go back to coloring, but avoid the 'adult coloring book' fad. It's totally ok to grab a Winnie the Pooh or Scooby Doo coloring book.
5. Rethink who you've given access to your life. If you don't interact, maybe it's time to delete.
6. You'll never get a second chance to say goodbye.
7. It's ok if swear a little too much. Unless you are in church or your child's grade school, there is still free speech...and sometimes you just need to use the word fuck.
8. Worry about who is in your house, and what you have, and not what everyone else is doing or has. You don't know their circumstances, nor do they know yours. Unless they are the type of person to post every beef they have with every person on their friends list, what their salary is, or how they've been shamed, it's none of your business.
9. Sometimes it's ok to pop a bag of popcorn, pull up a chair and watch the insults fly (see above).
10. Don't feel bad for laughing at number 9 above.
Bonus. Live every moment. Laugh every day. Love beyond words.
All-in-all, I would rather be 45 with kids nearly out of the house, than 25 and starting out over again. Do I know what this list will look like at 65? Not a clue. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Six Months To Go
In six short months, our youngest son will graduate high school. I can honestly say that on the outside, I'm doing a happy dance. Everyone that knows me knows I have a countdown clock: 185 days to be precise. I reference it often. It's the culmination of getting both of our children through grammar, middle and high school, and getting ready to unleash them on the world.
On the inside, I'm a little sad though I'm not quite sure why. I don't think things will change that much once we hit 186 days. He'll be off to college a few short months after graduation, and thankfully he's narrowed down his choice...I think. He'll still live at home when he's not at school, as will his brother until he finishes and moves out on his own.
It's been almost 22 years of having a third, then fourth, body in our house. Sometimes I wonder what my husband and I will talk about when it's just the two of us. The school years have been filled with homework and projects and athletic practice and games. It's been filled with permission slips and a million questions: Mom can you help me? Dad, my truck is acting up, what's wrong with it? Mom, what's for dinner? Dad, help! We need a trailer for the homecoming float. Mom, I need a black dress shirt for formal. Dad, help me clean up my mess. Year after year we celebrate our anniversary and our conversations more often than not lead to our kids (their friends, their teammates, coaches and what is going on in their lives).
I've been called the homework Nazi by every member of my house. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm the one that goes through the portal and questions why a 0 was received for a day of gym, or remind my husband to say congrats when a kid gets an A on a big project. We've encouraged or boys to make good choices and get their stuff done early. My husband tells them to treat schoolwork (high school and college) as a job. Get it done early, then you can have fun. Thankfully, both of our boys have been and continue to be good students, albeit sometimes lazy ones.
Earlier this week my husband and our youngest went on his second official college visit. It's the college his brother attends, so he's pretty familiar with it and quite a few people, both staff and students, already know him by name. After conversations with the coaching staff, they headed over to admissions to get down to the details. I.E., what kind of money is available? A great GPA, a pretty good ACT score and AP credits is a start. As my husband was listening intently to the questions from the Dean of Admissions, he made a quick phone call to me to find out about some details, while our youngest piped up and said "Dad, don't worry about it. Mom will handle it." I laughed when he told me that. Because I do handle that.
Lunch that day was with football players and fraternity brothers, and even his own brother. As I understand it, questions flew about offense and defense and why that school was chosen. There was a comfort there, which is a good thing. Even if that school isn't the ultimate decision, he made some new friends.
I'm disappointed I missed that day, because I did go to every visit for our older son. It's not that I wanted to miss it, but life (work) got in the way. It doesn't make me less of a parent because I couldn't go to a college visit, but I was still a blubbering idiot after dinner and I couldn't figure out why. I'm just so used to being involved that it got the best of me. In retrospect, it's probably menopause.
On the flip side of me handling school stuff, when either boy has a problem with a science project or truck or snowmobile or something equally technical, they head right over to dad.
Mom kisses booboo's, dad tapes them right up. It's what we do as parents. Can I work on a science project, sure...but it might not be pretty. Can dad whip up dinner? Absolutely.
How is it possible that after raising your children that some people are emotional wrecks and don't want to let them go? I'm not pushing our kids out the door by any means. I will miss them terribly when they aren't living under our roof. I'm most proud of the fact that my husband and I have raised smart, healthy, polite and driven children. Even when they graduate college, find their career, fall in love, get married and have their own kids, I know in my heart that we did everything we could to raise them the best way that we knew how. Our house has been filled with love, and support, openness and sometimes arguments that could be easily solved. I think my husband and I have done one hell of a job raising our boys. Down the road, I do expect phone calls and visits often, because that's the type of family we are.
We do not boast a cookie cutter family dynamic where everything is rosey 100% of the time. If anyone says they have a life like that, they are lying. Life is messy. Life isn't meant to be perfect. If it was perfect, we would have won the lottery, built a 3,000 square foot cabin in the woods with a 4,000 square foot garage (if you know my husband, you know why), and would never work another day in life. We work hard for what we have. We never lay blame where it isn't deserved. If our boys do something wrong, they own up to it. Granted, our kids haven't really gotten in trouble, because they have made good choices and stayed out of situations where they don't belong. There was also a fear of getting a boot up their ass...but that's a story for another day. We aren't the type of people that assume their kids are angels like so many other parents believe. Our boys have just learned stay out of where they don't belong, and solve problems if they need to instead of laying blame where it doesn't belong.
Six months down the road until we can officially claim we've gotten our children through school. College is still looming and degrees have yet to earned. I can comfortably say I'm looking forward to seeing what our kids do next.
What I want our boys to know is that even though you are each embarking on the next stages of your life, you will always have a place at home.
On the inside, I'm a little sad though I'm not quite sure why. I don't think things will change that much once we hit 186 days. He'll be off to college a few short months after graduation, and thankfully he's narrowed down his choice...I think. He'll still live at home when he's not at school, as will his brother until he finishes and moves out on his own.
It's been almost 22 years of having a third, then fourth, body in our house. Sometimes I wonder what my husband and I will talk about when it's just the two of us. The school years have been filled with homework and projects and athletic practice and games. It's been filled with permission slips and a million questions: Mom can you help me? Dad, my truck is acting up, what's wrong with it? Mom, what's for dinner? Dad, help! We need a trailer for the homecoming float. Mom, I need a black dress shirt for formal. Dad, help me clean up my mess. Year after year we celebrate our anniversary and our conversations more often than not lead to our kids (their friends, their teammates, coaches and what is going on in their lives).
I've been called the homework Nazi by every member of my house. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm the one that goes through the portal and questions why a 0 was received for a day of gym, or remind my husband to say congrats when a kid gets an A on a big project. We've encouraged or boys to make good choices and get their stuff done early. My husband tells them to treat schoolwork (high school and college) as a job. Get it done early, then you can have fun. Thankfully, both of our boys have been and continue to be good students, albeit sometimes lazy ones.
Earlier this week my husband and our youngest went on his second official college visit. It's the college his brother attends, so he's pretty familiar with it and quite a few people, both staff and students, already know him by name. After conversations with the coaching staff, they headed over to admissions to get down to the details. I.E., what kind of money is available? A great GPA, a pretty good ACT score and AP credits is a start. As my husband was listening intently to the questions from the Dean of Admissions, he made a quick phone call to me to find out about some details, while our youngest piped up and said "Dad, don't worry about it. Mom will handle it." I laughed when he told me that. Because I do handle that.
Lunch that day was with football players and fraternity brothers, and even his own brother. As I understand it, questions flew about offense and defense and why that school was chosen. There was a comfort there, which is a good thing. Even if that school isn't the ultimate decision, he made some new friends.
I'm disappointed I missed that day, because I did go to every visit for our older son. It's not that I wanted to miss it, but life (work) got in the way. It doesn't make me less of a parent because I couldn't go to a college visit, but I was still a blubbering idiot after dinner and I couldn't figure out why. I'm just so used to being involved that it got the best of me. In retrospect, it's probably menopause.
On the flip side of me handling school stuff, when either boy has a problem with a science project or truck or snowmobile or something equally technical, they head right over to dad.
Mom kisses booboo's, dad tapes them right up. It's what we do as parents. Can I work on a science project, sure...but it might not be pretty. Can dad whip up dinner? Absolutely.
How is it possible that after raising your children that some people are emotional wrecks and don't want to let them go? I'm not pushing our kids out the door by any means. I will miss them terribly when they aren't living under our roof. I'm most proud of the fact that my husband and I have raised smart, healthy, polite and driven children. Even when they graduate college, find their career, fall in love, get married and have their own kids, I know in my heart that we did everything we could to raise them the best way that we knew how. Our house has been filled with love, and support, openness and sometimes arguments that could be easily solved. I think my husband and I have done one hell of a job raising our boys. Down the road, I do expect phone calls and visits often, because that's the type of family we are.
We do not boast a cookie cutter family dynamic where everything is rosey 100% of the time. If anyone says they have a life like that, they are lying. Life is messy. Life isn't meant to be perfect. If it was perfect, we would have won the lottery, built a 3,000 square foot cabin in the woods with a 4,000 square foot garage (if you know my husband, you know why), and would never work another day in life. We work hard for what we have. We never lay blame where it isn't deserved. If our boys do something wrong, they own up to it. Granted, our kids haven't really gotten in trouble, because they have made good choices and stayed out of situations where they don't belong. There was also a fear of getting a boot up their ass...but that's a story for another day. We aren't the type of people that assume their kids are angels like so many other parents believe. Our boys have just learned stay out of where they don't belong, and solve problems if they need to instead of laying blame where it doesn't belong.
Six months down the road until we can officially claim we've gotten our children through school. College is still looming and degrees have yet to earned. I can comfortably say I'm looking forward to seeing what our kids do next.
What I want our boys to know is that even though you are each embarking on the next stages of your life, you will always have a place at home.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Invading Deer Camp
Yes, you read right. Not only did I, but my sister-in-law and I invaded deer camp this past weekend. Anyone that lives in Wisconsin knows this is the most scared of times. I've been married to my husband for 23 years, with him for 27; my sister-in-law has been married to my brother-in-law for 16 years, with him for 25. Never have either of us stepped foot within a 250 mile radius of the hunting grounds.
Normally, we both become deer hunter widows. We've had dinner dates, movies, cookie exchanges and shopping trips. My MO is to paint anything I can get my hands on in our house. Every year changes; sometimes it's cabinets, sometimes it's walls. This year, there was no painting.
Our family dynamic changed this fall when our father-in-law passed away. Our husbands chatted between themselves and decided it was time to bring to camp.
Now you can imagine, my first thought was "no way, never going to happen, I like my alone time". I didn't want to cook or clean for the group, nor did my sister-in-law. We both like our freedom that weekend, which normally consists of not doing dishes for four days and living on take out Chinese or pizza.
This year we welcomed the change. The boys (both husbands, and our two sons) went Thursday, and we left Friday to make the 4 1/2 hour trip after work. We chatted the entire time and the 4 1/2 hours felt like about 60 minutes.
We were given the option to sleep in on Saturday morning, but we both braced for the 4:30 am wake up call when we had gone to bed well after midnight. Before we headed out, I started making our dinner...what would be a full Thanksgiving dinner. (Remember, I didn't want to cook).
She went with her husband; I sat with our youngest son. I've come to appreciate the patience a deer hunter must have. I was cold (14 degrees that first morning), and I needed to pee. It's not like I'm male and can just whip it out and take care of business. Nope...leave the logistics to your imagination.
There is something so very surreal when you see your 17 year old's face light up when he sees that first deer. I watched him from the comfort of my chair get up, turn his chair on its side, and take aim. The shot was well over 150 yards; a distance even the most seasoned hunter would have trouble with. I was able to video the action, and I realized that my heart was about to jump out of my chest. Watching him take aim, hold his breath and shoot was incredible. Sadly, the shot was low and the doe took off. The disappointment on his face was terrible. I wanted it for him. The disappointment on his part was because he wanted me to see it. Shortly thereafter I saw a doe prance off into the woods, and then a buck follow. He decided against the shot because it was even further than the first. We headed back to camp.
Everyone else went out later the day and little luck again, but they all came back to what was a sleep inducing meal. I think everyone needed it. We laughed. We told stories. It was exactly what I needed.
Day two started out much like day one. An early morning wake up call. My sister-in-law went with my brother-in-law again, my boys hunted together, and I braved the cold (this time 9 degrees) with my husband. The view was breathtaking. We were over a ridge and were able to watch the sunrise. I had only wished I had my Canon with me. My phone didn't do it justice, and the cold was just too much for it.
I lasted a few hours and headed back to camp to get breakfast ready. No one had luck the second morning. Everyone headed out around lunch, and I decided I better nap since I had a five hour drive home (longer than Friday, taking our oldest back to college). I was out for 2 1/2 hours, only to be abruptly woken by something. That something turned out to be my boys tagging a deer. Our oldest got the lone doe this season. He was determined to take something, since the love of his life had gotten one the day before with her family.
What I am most proud of is that our boys did it together. There were no arguments; there was no one storming off. Our oldest asked our youngest to use the lone doe tag of the group.
Our family doesn't hunt just for the sport. They don't take more than they eat and would never hunt illegally. There were five deer in our yard and they could easily been taken, but it was well after sunset.
I spent the end of Sunday driving my oldest back to college. It was nice spending some alone time with him since he's away at school and normally we just text. There were only a few moments where I wanted to throw him out the truck (sorry kiddo). Knowing that he'll graduate soon and move out, I appreciate these few moments.
My sister-in-law helped my husband clean the cottage before the left on Monday.
Needless to say, invading deer camp wasn't what I thought it was. We still cooked, and cleaned, which is ok, because I love to cook, and she loves to clean. I guess it's who we are.
Will we go back next year? I think so. They might have another hunter on their hands though because I'm the best shot in the house.
Normally, we both become deer hunter widows. We've had dinner dates, movies, cookie exchanges and shopping trips. My MO is to paint anything I can get my hands on in our house. Every year changes; sometimes it's cabinets, sometimes it's walls. This year, there was no painting.
Our family dynamic changed this fall when our father-in-law passed away. Our husbands chatted between themselves and decided it was time to bring to camp.
Now you can imagine, my first thought was "no way, never going to happen, I like my alone time". I didn't want to cook or clean for the group, nor did my sister-in-law. We both like our freedom that weekend, which normally consists of not doing dishes for four days and living on take out Chinese or pizza.
This year we welcomed the change. The boys (both husbands, and our two sons) went Thursday, and we left Friday to make the 4 1/2 hour trip after work. We chatted the entire time and the 4 1/2 hours felt like about 60 minutes.
We were given the option to sleep in on Saturday morning, but we both braced for the 4:30 am wake up call when we had gone to bed well after midnight. Before we headed out, I started making our dinner...what would be a full Thanksgiving dinner. (Remember, I didn't want to cook).
She went with her husband; I sat with our youngest son. I've come to appreciate the patience a deer hunter must have. I was cold (14 degrees that first morning), and I needed to pee. It's not like I'm male and can just whip it out and take care of business. Nope...leave the logistics to your imagination.
There is something so very surreal when you see your 17 year old's face light up when he sees that first deer. I watched him from the comfort of my chair get up, turn his chair on its side, and take aim. The shot was well over 150 yards; a distance even the most seasoned hunter would have trouble with. I was able to video the action, and I realized that my heart was about to jump out of my chest. Watching him take aim, hold his breath and shoot was incredible. Sadly, the shot was low and the doe took off. The disappointment on his face was terrible. I wanted it for him. The disappointment on his part was because he wanted me to see it. Shortly thereafter I saw a doe prance off into the woods, and then a buck follow. He decided against the shot because it was even further than the first. We headed back to camp.
Everyone else went out later the day and little luck again, but they all came back to what was a sleep inducing meal. I think everyone needed it. We laughed. We told stories. It was exactly what I needed.
Day two started out much like day one. An early morning wake up call. My sister-in-law went with my brother-in-law again, my boys hunted together, and I braved the cold (this time 9 degrees) with my husband. The view was breathtaking. We were over a ridge and were able to watch the sunrise. I had only wished I had my Canon with me. My phone didn't do it justice, and the cold was just too much for it.
I lasted a few hours and headed back to camp to get breakfast ready. No one had luck the second morning. Everyone headed out around lunch, and I decided I better nap since I had a five hour drive home (longer than Friday, taking our oldest back to college). I was out for 2 1/2 hours, only to be abruptly woken by something. That something turned out to be my boys tagging a deer. Our oldest got the lone doe this season. He was determined to take something, since the love of his life had gotten one the day before with her family.
What I am most proud of is that our boys did it together. There were no arguments; there was no one storming off. Our oldest asked our youngest to use the lone doe tag of the group.
Our family doesn't hunt just for the sport. They don't take more than they eat and would never hunt illegally. There were five deer in our yard and they could easily been taken, but it was well after sunset.
I spent the end of Sunday driving my oldest back to college. It was nice spending some alone time with him since he's away at school and normally we just text. There were only a few moments where I wanted to throw him out the truck (sorry kiddo). Knowing that he'll graduate soon and move out, I appreciate these few moments.
My sister-in-law helped my husband clean the cottage before the left on Monday.
Needless to say, invading deer camp wasn't what I thought it was. We still cooked, and cleaned, which is ok, because I love to cook, and she loves to clean. I guess it's who we are.
Will we go back next year? I think so. They might have another hunter on their hands though because I'm the best shot in the house.
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