Just Another Day in the Life

In this little thing we call life, I have been summarily dismissed, outsourced, restructured from my most recent job.  Talk about a downer.  I actually liked that job.  I really liked that job.  An up and coming company that had a great story to tell, I hit daily obstacles when it came down to actually getting my job done.  Personally, I felt the exec team didn’t trust their staff and proceeded to put those obstacles in place.  So here I am again, a year after I lost my last job to outsourcing, looking for another job.

In a normal setting, this would be stressful.  Add to it a new career my husband is launching, in which I am fully confident he will be extremely successful at, a senior in college, a senior in high school with scholarship applications and college essays to write, and the thought of our insurance ending at the end of the month, it is downright taxing, hard, tough, traumatic…you pick the adjective.

As I sit here taking a break from creating a software template he can use for this new venture and the phone calls and emails I had to make this morning, I think about the marketing pieces I will create and the website that will be launched, the insurance that needs to be purchased and how I can help him be successful.  Don’t forget about the photography sessions in the works, the job searching and scheduled interviews, what the game day program will look like after I pick it up from the printer and if every parent will show up to walk with their players, organizing the buttons for parents night, if we will get enough volunteers the rest of the season and what it will be like asking parents again for donations to end of season gifts.  Don’t even get me started on my novel that needs my final edits, and then to be sent off to a few key critics that can do a read through.  And my photography website that needs an overhaul, the phone calls that need to be made, and surprisingly enough the gesture of having my nemesis contact me and say I could use him as a reference.

In the last week, we had to get rid of one of our trucks since it was making a not-so-great noise and my husband felt he couldn't trust it any longer for our trips to the cottage.  Thankfully my husband is mechanically gifted and we might have found a gem of a new vehicle at a price that wasn’t tragic.  I can hear him pounding on something on the truck, nothing that he can't handle, just another example of a truck owner that didn't give a shit about how he took care of his vehicle because that owner would just go buy something new with the money he's earned from his job. News flash. That job could be gone tomorrow.  Take care of your crap.

Yes, this is a woe-is-me post.  I don’t do them often.  From the outside, we are a well-adjusted, relatively successful family that works hard and plays hard.  On the inside, we have been thrown for the loop and are now finding ourselves picking up the pieces.   Do I think that I won’t find a job?  No, that has never crossed my mind.  Do I think that now that I’m 45 that it might be slightly harder to find a job, potentially…but it’s what I can offer a new employer that matters.  Hiring me makes sense.  Yes, my salary is higher, but my experience should count for something.  Right?

I'll apologize now for those that know me and run into me in public.  I may not be my bubbly self.  

Bittersweet Memories

Anyone that knows me, knows my life revolves around my kids lives.  As we are finishing up summer and leading into fall, it means one thing: It's Football Season.

This year is a bittersweet season. It's our youngest son's senior season.  My husband and I have been active members of our kids football careers for what seems like forever.  For our oldest, it was two years of youth football, four years of high school and three years of college.  Our youngest was three years of youth football, three years (so far) of  high school, this upcoming season, and what will hopefully be a college career too.

We live in a city with two high schools. Rival high schools.  I've noticed recently that the rivalry isn't just a friendly rivalry.  It's a division of the entire city.  My husband grew up in this town and went to the rival school.  Had borders been in place, our kids would have gone to the rival school.  Our kids chose to go to their current school. We gave them that choice. They are both excellent students and we felt that it was their lives, and they needed to live them every day, so we left it up to them.  Both schools have outstanding academic programs (though some people outside the district might think differently).  Both have AP classes; both have full sports programs; both are really good schools. The indoor and outdoor sports facilities are shared, and unfortunately it is perceived that because the outdoor facility is on our school grounds, that it is our facility.  The indoor facility is at our rival school school and allows for shared hosting of indoor events.

I won't get into a debate about shared facilities, what we get vs. what they get... or what they get vs. what we get or even where money comes from to buy whatever it is that schools buy. It's a frustrating topic and just creates animosity among the schools and feeds into the division.

What frustrates me is the division of friendships because of the rivalry.  When our boys were in middle school, the rivalry was present.  The only time it really showed was during the youth football team rivalry week.  Every other week of the year, both sides got along.  They ate lunch together.  They joked in the hallways.  They went to movies together.   

Now, it's become an ever present nightmare of we are better than you, you are worse than us from both sides of the coin.  How about everyone just takes a step back and realize that we are from the same city and it could possibly be our city against another city.  Go back to a good, clean rivalry.  

I am one of the first ones to like things on social media when the rival school does something good.  I'm happy when they succeed.  I'm happy when they win games.  I feel bad when they don't.  Kids on those teams were kids that my husband coached for years in youth baseball.  We watched them grow up and are happy when they are successful.  We want to see them get into good colleges, and get the accolades they deserve.  When one team goes to the state playoffs or matches, or a single student gets accepted to a prestigious college, I am beyond happy.  That means our teachers, our coaches, our administrators have done something right.  It's our city.

The memories I have from our kids in youth sports and grade school and middle school are bittersweet.  Some of my closest friends are from that rival school.  Our oldest son attended prom at the rival school instead of his own prom.  He missed his friends and wasn't going to let something like a little rivalry stop him from that experience.

Ultimately, I want my kids, and those kids that have been part of our lives for years, to know that no matter what they think about this rivalry, once you graduate high school and move to the next level, none of this matters.  Unless you get stuck in high school and can't move away from what was, you will make new friends.  And if you are lucky enough, you'll rekindle friendships from grade school and middle school, and even from your rival high school.

Why I Volunteer

Leading into my youngest son's senior year of high school, I've done some reflecting on what volunteer footprint I'm leaving.

I can't speak for my friends that volunteer, but this is why I do.

• I don't do it for my kids (sort of) - in all honestly, I don't think they care whether or not I volunteer.  Let me be clear though. They are what drove me to volunteering.  Had they not been in active in sports, I don't know that I would have walked that path.  
• I do volunteer for my kids teams, teachers, coaches - it's to make their lives a little bit easier.  They can focus on what's important; prepping for games, teaching instead of spending hours grading math papers, and focusing on coaching kids into the best athletes they can be.
• I don't do it to be recognized - if you are doing it for recognition, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
• I don't do it so my kids get special privileges at school - they can do that on their own by being good students and good citizens.
• The volunteers I've worked with have become great friends.  Sure, we can bitch when it comes down to others that don't help, but our common bond at the end of the day is feeling pretty damn good at what was accomplished.
• I don't just volunteer when it comes to my kids school or their sports.  I'm the first one to step up at work when something needs to get done.  I'm a firm believer in that we are all in this together, and sometimes you just need to dig in and help.
• I've stopped worrying about others helping.  They have their reasons, which frankly are not my concern.  Everyone has their reasons why they do, or do not, want to help.  I can only hope that when there is a need, we will find the way to get everything done.
• I let people that complain about what volunteers do or don't do roll off my back.  The only way to make a difference in what a volunteer does is by helping.  If you don't want to help, don't expect to get buy in from those that do.
• I volunteer in hopes that my kids following in my footsteps.  I certainly don't take all the credit, because my husband is right beside me when it comes to volunteering.  He may grumble when I sign him up to help, but he loves it as much as I do, and has spent years along side me helping, and even more years coaching teams that our kids did not play on.
• I'm selfish in that I put volunteering on my resume.  It makes me appear more employable.
• I don't question how a volunteer coach interacts with my kids.  Keep in mind, if there is a need, I would step in.  But in hindsight, they are volunteers.  They aren't getting paid to spend time with your kids, and having parents breathe down their necks make their job that much harder.  With that being said, if I had to step in, it would be done after the game, one on one with the coach.  It is never acceptable to criticize a coaches interaction or decisions in front of other parents or players.
• I welcome criticism when making volunteer decisions...but keep in mind, if you aren't offering a solution, I probably won't listen to you.
• I volunteer because I feel damn good at the end of the day when I do it. They might be long hours when getting ready for a sports season, lots of hours when you are helping glue googly eyes on art projects in kindergarten classes, and even longer hours spent editing hundreds of photos for peoples enjoyment.  
• I've taken my love of volunteering and turned into into enjoyment for others.  I love the look on peoples faces when they go through a game day program that I've designed, or when I get like after like on pictures I've taken game after game.  (Note, I know they aren't perfect, but I try...and I'm willing to stand for hours on end hoping to get that perfect shot that is forever captured digitally).

All-in-all, I volunteer because I love it.  It's bittersweet going into my youngest son's final football season of high school (with any luck, he'll be playing past high school). I apologize to everyone that knows me, the next four months I will be knee deep in trying to keep the tears at bay, all while encouraging others to help out when I finally hang up my volunteer hat for this high school experience.   All I ask, is that when you see me walking towards you, don't walk the other direction.  You will get far more in return from volunteering than in the effort you will ever put out.

Here We Go Again

This has been a horrible year.  It's also been a great year.  Actually, I think it's been the last few years that have a mix of ups and downs.  

On the up side, we've gone through a high school graduation and admittance to multiple colleges.  We also went through high ACT scores, great GPA's, successful football seasons and general calm that comes through raising good kids.   We are on the cusp of two more graduations, another college choice and a sense of peace knowing our kids are on their way.

On the down side, the last year we have gone through multiple job changes. Some due to well thought through decisions, and unfortunately some not of our own doing.

Also on the down side, our family has eleven hospital visits and/or procedures and surgeries since October 2010.  For a family of four, that seems pretty high to me.  

Last week was a horrible week.  Coming off a trip to Austin for a tradeshow that I helped successfully execute, the week was filled with travel issues, a fried hard drive, and a coworker that is only happy when he is complaining about everything.  After getting back to the office and trying unbury, my husband called me at work Thursday to tell me he was heading to the doctor.  Now, for those of you that know him, and his stint at the hospital a few years ago, this was something that I wouldn't take lightly.  He hates doctors.  He hates hospitals.  He's also convinced that nothing will kill him.  I have to twist his arm when his doctor calls to get him to come in for a check up.

So I don't embarrass him, this particular incident that had him running to the doctor. The first thing that came to mind from our doctor was cancer.  No lead up...no saying let's explore this further.  It was, call the hospital and make an appointment now.  Our doctor is one of the most attentive physicians I have ever encountered.  He is a teaching physician, and we often subjected to his minions checking us out first, only to watch them get yelled at when they misdiagnose.  I honestly believe that given the last stay in the hospital nearly took his life, our doctor will do everything in his power to make sure that whatever we face, we will do it as fast as possible.  

On Friday, my husband lost his job.  I'd like to ask why this is possible, but the company he was working for was shady at best, so it's probably a blessing in disguise.  Are the gods against us?  At times, we think yes.

Fast forward a few days, after a long weekend of uncertainty, and a plan to go back to school, the job situation is on the mend. 

Today was the hospital visit, and thankfully, everything turned out ok.  There will be a follow up, but there is nothing to worry about, other than some minor changes.

It is now 7:00 pm, a mere nine hours after the procedure, and my husband is on the phone with our doctor.  He had nothing to do with the procedure, but he called to check on him.  He is an incredible physician, even if he complains about not seeing us often enough.

Collectively, as a family, we tackle everything together.  We support each other without question and we will get through whatever is put in front of us.  I know that this just make us stronger as a family, because adversity builds character and this family doesn't know how to fail.

Turning 45

Yesterday was my 45th birthday.  I made it through the day with some fanfare.  I was greeted in the morning with kiss and happy birthday from my husband, three birthday cards (instead of two), and a great new monopod for my Canon.  Seems that our oldest has learned that mom likes birthday cards, even if it took him all day to say happy birthday after I subtly reminded him.

I would have loved to take the day off work, but I'm in the final hours of planning a trade show, and it seems as if everything rests on my shoulders.  I would probably be much further along if I didn't have to jump through hoops to get every little thing approved.  I guess, though, since I've only been with my current company for a little over seven months, I should be pleased with what I can get done.

So, what did I learn yesterday, now that I'm closer to 50 (yikes!)?  I learned (knew) that my husband and boys, inlaws and mom love me and wanted to make sure I had a good day.  I also learned that the family you are born into isn't necessarily the same family that you have at 45.  With four siblings, three sib-in-laws and nine nieces and nephews, I heard from one sister-in-law, her daughter and son and another niece.  I can't say that I'm surprised.  If you've read any of this blog before, you'll know that unfortunately I'm not that close with my side of the family.  I'm thankful that I did hear from many on my husbands side, who I am happy to say are my family too.

I also had Facebook greetings, texts, IMs and emails from about 150 friends, cousins and colleagues.  I think that's pretty cool.  I hope that I successfully responded to each and every one of you.  I even had one this morning that was a really nice message, only the find out it was deleted.  You know who you are....so thanks for the wishes C!

I'll be honest...I don't always remember to wish my family happy birthday wishes (unless they are on Facebook!)...but it doesn't mean I'm not thinking of them and that I don't love them.  I do.  And now, realizing that I don't always remember, I will make every effort to call, text, email, tweet, and run up to their house with a birthday cake, balloons and a pinata.

All in all, 45 isn't any different than 44, except my knees hurt a little more, I don't need quite as much sleep (only on the weekends), and I need to officially debunk the rumors my children spread saying that I'm old.  I'm not old, boys.  I'm getting better with age.

Peace, Relax and Avoid

There is no greater peace then having a three day weekend and actually not focusing on anything.

We planned on heading out for Memorial Day weekend, so I was proactive and decided to take a PTO day on Friday.  My husband and oldest son had work, and my youngest had school and track practice.  While I anticipated having to get some office work done because I am in the middle of planning our biggest tradeshow of the year, I figured I'd have some downtime to get some laundry done, finish packing and get some errands in.  Thankfully, I wrapped up my to-do list by 9:00 am, and then proceeded to work the ENTIRE day.  I'm not talking until 5:00.  I'm talking working until nearly 5:00, and then after packing my laptop, along with a gigantic bag of work crap in the back of the truck, I pulled out my laptop and continued to work remotely in the truck on our roadtrip.  Thankfully, my battery died and I just didn't care enough to get the charger out.

Given the tradeshow is just outside the three week mark, I figured I would work over the weekend. I tried, sort of.  Saturday morning after picking up groceries, I broke out my laptop and opened my work bag.  After answering a couple of emails and sent queries that needed quick responses, I sat there...and did nothing.  I had a stack of things I could accomplish while waiting for responses.   I realized that I spend way too many hours working and vowed years ago, after often working 60 hour weeks, that I wouldn't do that again.  I immediately put everything away, and barely touched my phone over the weekend.  I tried working on the way home Monday afternoon, and made it for about 30 minutes, thinking I would pick it up Monday night.  Nope, didn't do it then either.

I have a to do list that grows daily.  I'm responsible for (or will touch) just about every item for the show.  My one saving grace for backup decided to take a full week of vacation this week, so its all been dumped put on me.  Add that to every other responsibility leading up to a product launch, press releases, eblasts, research, databases, content creation, intern training and making sure that everything for the show executes seamlessly.  Today I was tasked with listening to and transcribing an hour long webinar hosted by my nemesis....so not looking forward to this project.  My downtime lately is being used to finish tweaking the book I'm writing, gathering information for our sons football program, soliciting donations and advertising for the upcoming season, along with every other normal home activity.  Thank God that my husband is right by my side, so I'm blessed with the yardwork being done on a Wednesday afternoon, instead of being saved for the weekend where our entire family would tackle it.

Don't get me wrong.  I love staying busy. I don't know how to not stay busy.  Actually, that's not quite right.  There are days I get home from work and I'll I want to do is sit on my ass and do nothing.  You all know how much I love to read; and I am still able to do that.  I get to spend time with my husband, and boys now they are both home and under our roof again.

In three weeks I'll be three days into a trip to Austin for the show.  My days will be filled with the show floor and talking up our products.  I'm hoping my nights involve a quiet dinner, a king bed and the remote control (Kindle, movie, a tub full of bubbles and sleep...you get the picture).  On the fourth day, I'll be wrapping up and flying home.  One day post show, I am refusing to go to work.  I will not take a PTO day, but comp time instead.  I will sleep in late.  I will not answer my phone, or email or instant messaging.  I will avoid the office and instead curl up in bed and put the finishing touches on my book, and then spend the entire weekend shut down from anything electronic. Wishful thinking, right?

Seasons Changing, Kids Growing Up and the Empty Nest

How is it possible that we've crossed over the half way mark in May?  I feel like it was just yesterday that we were sending our kids off to their junior years in college and high school.  Lately, time is speeding by so fast, it seems as if we are missing out.

I honestly don't know how we functioned when our kids did track, baseball and football. From March until November, our weeks were taken by carpooling, practices and games.   Our calendars rarely had free time available.  I'm thankful our boys decided to opt out of wrestling in favor of snowmobiling.

Our late nights were filled will washing uniforms in hopes that we could get the stains out of white pants before the next game.  Those of you with Little League players; no I didn't use fels naptha soap on the white pants to get out grass stains.  I used bleach and oxy crystals.  No harm, no foul...and I'm not sorry.

I was at the athletic complex on Friday night to watch the track meet, but was also able to poke my head in on baseball tryouts.  I kind of miss it.  And, I kind of don't.  Our kids were lucky enough to make the teams they tried out for.  I always felt bad for the kids that would walk away dejected.   Unfortunately, the best players don't always make the teams.  Sometimes, like life, it's about who you know, and not what you know.  We witnessed kids making teams that shouldn't have.  This doesn't stop with baseball.  We notice it with other sports as well.  I've heard it all... I've even heard that our kids shouldn't make teams.  So be it.

While it's frustrating that we are already halfway through May, I'm looking forward to summer leading in to fall and watching our youngest be part of his final season of Varsity football.  Will he play in college?  Who knows...only time will tell.  Our oldest went the same route and played for three years, then opted to focus on school.  I couldn't be more proud of that decision.  

I'm looking forward to what our kids do over the next year.  A friend of ours posted today that her daughter (that played on our son's youth baseball team), got a full ride to the college of her choice.   What a great accomplishment.  I would love for that to be the case with our youngest as well, and know that he working his butt off to make that happen.  I'm also looking forward to our oldest walking across his stage in the near future. 

High school and college are always a series of ups and downs.  I've watched our kids thrive and struggle.  I've watched their friends do the same. They've been praised by teachers, coaches and friends; and shit on by the same.  There has been excitement and sadness, and stupidity and genius.  This next year we will watch decisions being made about futures and look forward to giving advice, since we've been through it.

I don't anticipate our empty nest happening in the next year, two or even five.  It could be many years down the road.   Watching your kids grow up is the most frustrating and exciting time as a parent  You hope that you raised them right and they have learned to not allow others to put them down or step on them.  You know you've done something right when adults, teachers and coaches enjoy their company and when you see your children holding intelligent conversations with them.  You hope that their relationships with friends and others are strong and not one sided.

As we lead into summer, fall, winter and spring....I will continue to count the days until graduation next year (363 and 390) and the next chapter of all of our lives.