Three Months Later....

Three months ago I posted this blog:  Three Weeks Later

It was the story of a couple that had become empty nesters and how they were handling life.  All in all it was quite a change.

Here we are three months later and things are decidedly different.  Sure, we spent Friday nights at the football field, both home and away, watching our boys team.  It was surreal because we didn't have a vested interest in the players.  Saturday's we traveled to our boys' college and away sites, to watch our youngest and his new team play.   We've adjusted to dinners being small and intimate, and I've learned to cook for two instead of four (I'm not happy about that!).  We have shared time with our oldest's schedule, when he hadn't been home for months.  I'm thankful for those few fleeting minutes in a restaurant after a Saturday game.  Laundry goes fast, dishes can be done in five minutes, and we never seem to run out of anything in the fridge or toilet paper in the bathroom.

The last two weekends have been something special.  The first weekend my husband and boys were at their annual bonding session at deer camp.  He was lucky enough to have both boys for nearly three days straight.  This weekend, we had both for Thanksgiving, albeit not at home, and then had our youngest with us at our cottage nearly four days.   Both are nestled back at school in their dorm rooms, and soon enough they will be home for Christmas.

We will never take for granted the amount of time we get to spend with our children, because before we know it, they will both be on their own, and sadly probably not five minutes from home.  I never realized how much I cherish those nights when I get a "love you momma" text, or they say goodnight without getting prompted with a text from me.

Leading into Christmas, I'm looking forward to our annual trip to the cottage to snowmobile (fingers crossed Mother Nature cooperates).  We've been doing it for about eight years.  If the weather doesn't go as planned, our getaway might change, and we'll spend time doing something else.  All I know is I'll have my boys with me...and that is present enough for me.  

All The Things I'm Thankful For

First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope today is everything you wanted it to be.  I hope you were able to spend the day with the people you love...family, friends, your pets, or even by yourself.  Whoever or whatever makes you happy.

I'll be honest.  2016 has sucked.  There are days when I wake up and think that karma has taken a big crap right on our house. I've been looking for a new job for 10 weeks.    I took a temp job because frankly you can't live on unemployment, and I can't just sit at home sending resume after resume all in the hopes that someone will call me for an interview.

So, while I will continue to customize and send my resumes out every week, I will change the way I think about 2016, and focus on making 2017 better for every person in our house.

Today, I am thankful for all these things...

• My marriage.  24 years and counting.
• My kids.  18 and almost 23 years old.  Smart, strong, and truly nice kids.
• My dogs.   Even though they drive me nuts, they are part of our family.
• My house.   The roof over my head, and how 22 years ago we turned a house, into a home.
• Our families.  Today we sat at a table with 18 people and laughed, and laughed, and laughed.  We aren't all related.  But we are all family.
• Cars in our driveway.  
• Meals on the table.  Sure, there are some nights that are full spreads, much like Thanksgiving dinner, but there are also nights where we make due with grilled cheese and soup, or breakfast for dinner.
• My friends.  Friends from grade school, middle school, high school and college. Friends made from jobs. Friends I met because of who I married.  Friends made because our kids were in sports.  Friends made through marriages and after divorces.  Friends who get me.
• Our home away from home.  Just a little place where we can go and get away from everything.
• My Canon. My husband started me down this path years ago, and upgrades me when he can.  I'm always the person behind the camera, and I'm ok with that, because there are times that I can capture that perfect moment in time.  Maybe in 2017 I'll move from behind the camera.
• Writing something and having it resonate with the reader.  I love when I write something, and people get it.
• Making people laugh. Social media has allowed me the ability to write a post and have people laugh at it...be it related to my neighbors, or ex-colleagues, or something someone in my house said.
• Knowing that deep down, behind my sarcasm and the bad luck we have had, lies true happiness for every single person in my house, every single person in my family, and all my friends. 

For the next few weeks before the end of this year, I am going to change the way I think.... everything is going to be turned from negative into positive.  I want to roll into 2017 with a great job, another book published, pictures taken that get turned into Christmas cards, and true honest to goodness happiness.  You might be wondering, how the hell can that be done in five weeks?  I really don't know....but I'll figure it out.   There has to be a better way.  If anyone wants to join me on this journey, let me know.  I can use some encouragement. I think we could all use a better 2017.  

Putting a Positive Spin on Something Negative

It's getting harder and harder to be positive.  Job searching is exhausting.  I've had dozens and dozens of phone interviews, in person interviews and skype calls.  I have said all the right things, schmoozed the right people, and thanked interviewers until my head hurt.

What I've realized is that companies want that perfect candidate.  They want someone that has exactly everything in the job description that they posted.  No matter it was probably written by a HR partner that really doesn't know diddly about the job at hand.

I truly believe that companies should be more flexible in what they are looking for and maybe take a chance on someone that has 75 or 80 percent of what they are looking for.  

Last week I had a great interview that turned into a second interview.  That second interview lasted two hours and I met with five people.  After we met, two of the interviewers requested me on LinkedIn.  I wrote fantastic thank you letters, that were customized to each individual conversation.

Low and behold, I'm not what they are looking for.  Mind you, when I left that interview I knew in my heart I had the job.  I said all the right things.  I took queue's from them when and how to answer.  I can't figure out for the life of me, why I'm not a fit.  And, surprisingly enough, I'm ok with not knowing why.  It's their loss.  Not mine.

Going into this weekend, I'm feeling pretty low about myself, my background, and if I really do know what I'm doing. I'd like someone to take the reigns and find me that perfect fit.  Sadly, I don't have that luxury.  Recruiters can only do so much, so I feel like I'm on an island.  

Needing to see the positive in this negative time is hard to do.  But here it goes:

• I've been married for 24 years to the guy I met at my first day at college.  28 years later, we have two incredible boys who are truly the lights of our lives.  Three months ago, we started to rediscover us.
• I have my health...sure my knees might creak and my back may hurt, and for the life of me my leg won't stop tingling, but all in all I'm pretty healthy.
• My family is standing by my side.
• I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back.  It may not be the biggest house, it may not be lobster, and they may not be Vera Wang, but they are mine.
• Our kids got into the college of their choice, and they love every minute of school (even though they may deny it)
• I went back to school after 16 years away and finished with a 4.0 GPA and graduated Cum Laude.  No one can ever take that away from me.  It might not be an MBA, but it's what I wanted.  I went after it and I achieved it.
• I've met some really great people at the companies I worked at...and I'm happy to say that I do still have some of them as friends. 
• I have three awesome dogs, who might drive me nuts, and tend to pick sides, but they are still pretty great.
• I picked new skills at each job I've held.  Each job has paved the way for my career, and I know that soon someone will realize that I'm perfect for their company.
• I get to do what I love in my spare time.  Read, write and take pictures.  If I could make a career out of it, I would.
• I've realized that there is a company out there that will appreciate my candor, my sarcasm, and my need to sometimes be left alone to do my job without interruptions.
• Sometimes, at the most random moment, I'll see a post on Facebook, or get a text from a friend, that puts it all in perspective.

Time to start each day with a positive attitude.  Time to find that perfect fit.  Time to make the most of the photography jobs I get.  Time to write that next book...this time around, everything will make sense. 

Time to be me.  Only better. 

Still Searching

Three weeks ago I wrote about losing my job.  I feel like I'm a professional job jumper/resume writer/interviewer extraordinaire.

There is nothing fun about being out of work.  Sure, I've been lucky enough to take some senior pictures, which I am so very thankful for...but I still feel like I'm failing my family.  I don't understand how people can be ok with being out of work.  A couple weeks off would have been sufficient, but I'm ready to go back to the grind.

I've had alot of interviews, both on the phone and in person, and what I felt was a pretty awesome opportunity where I am still waiting for a call back.  Even if they decide to go elsewhere, a note would be nice.  You know that moment when you leave an interview and the last thing said to you was "when can you start"...I was walking on Cloud 9.  That was a week ago.  Now I know some of you might say, it's only a week.  But that's one more week on unemployment.  One more week that you feel like opportunities are slipping out of your finger.  One more week of questioning whether or not you truly are good at what you do.

Some days, after I've done my initial hour search at 8:00 am, early scheduled phone calls, emails that need to be sent and photos that need to be edited, I tackle the laundry, straightening the bed, play with the dogs and then start thinking about prepping dinner, I sit back at the computer and just search.  I've stalked LinkedIn profiles, Facebook pages for keys into whether or not a friend might work some where that will be a good fit, websites of local companies and reached out to ex-colleagues that might have landed somewhere else.  I've sent follow up note, left voices and done my due diligence.  I've pulled out old recruiting books, job search guides and borrowed books on good karma.

A few nights ago I was restless in bed, and according to my husband screamed in my sleep.  I have no idea what I was dreaming about, all I know is I was exhausted the next day after not being able to fall back asleep.  Is this a queue to slow down on the search?  Wait for something to land in my lap? Go down a different path? Unfortunately, we are not independently wealthy. This is real life.  I can't just stop looking for a job.  It's not in my nature.

This isn't my first rodeo when looking for jobs. Both my husband and I have gone through this.  We haven't been ones to stay at company for 10, 15, or 20 years.  There are times when I'm jealous that we haven't.  The level of security must be something that helps a person sleep at night.  The level of monotony would get to me.

I've heard it all with friends sending quotes: "Good things happen to those that wait", "Things happen for a reason", and then the wishes of fingers crossed, you'll find something better messages, and just stay home and do your photography.  That's all fine and good, and I appreciate the messages...sometimes it's what keeps me going.

So here I sit, thinking about writing another book, one that will sell, and wonder if or when I'll get that phone call from an employer that actually wants me to join their team.

The Great Job Search

Here we go again.  I am furiously looking for a new job.

It doesn't matter that I sometimes worked 50 hours a week, often until 10:30 at night, on the weekends and vacation days.  It doesn't matter that I was doing more with less, and fighting an uphill battle where there were too many cooks in the kitchen.

What matters is that I have years of experience and will now probably face judgement because I'm not a 20-something fresh out of college or a 30-something with a few years of experience.

When I left high school, I took the traditional road to college.   It's where I met my future husband.  I spent a couple of years in school, we got married, and had kids.  I ended up going back to school 16 years after I started, graduating cum laude after taking 57 credits in a single year (short three credits for summa cum laude the university required), all while working full-time, serving on the board of Little League and helping my husband raise our two boys.

I've polished my resume, posted it on job sites and have done due diligence by checking with recruiters I've worked with in the past, old supervisors and colleagues, and customized my resume per position.  I've had many interviews in the last few weeks.

I'm not afraid of a new challenge.  It seems to be the norm in my career.  What I need a chance to prove myself.  Should I go back into marketing?  It's what I know.  Would I love to write or do photography full time?  That would be incredible, but without the chance, I don't see that happening.  I have friends that want me to tackle marketing Isagenix and working for myself. With two kids in college, that might still be a way off, but we will see.

While I'm off of work, walls will be painted, the basement cleaned, cabinets organized, all in hopes that when I go back to work life will be back to normal.

They say things happen for a reason. While I liked people I worked with, I wasn't happy in my position.  I would have liked to pull the plug myself, and unfortunately that didn't happen.

So, here's my plea.  I'm looking for a position that I can truly excel at. With 20 years of marketing experience, something has to give, right?  Leads are appreciated, opportunities welcome and offers blessed.  You can reach me here.   

Opinions are like assholes

Its three months post-graduation and life has definitely changed.  Both our boys are away at school and life as we know it is pretty quiet.   Yes, we go to Friday night football games.  Yes, I take pictures.  Yes, we go to work every day, and do yard work on the weekends.

I’m finding myself getting more and more irritated by things I read on social media.  I don’t doubt that my friends with kids older than mine had been irritated by my ramblings about volunteering or being proud of the kids or posts filled with 500 pictures or requests for photography jobs and links to my blog.  Or my countdown clocks to important days in our lives…you know like graduation, and snowmobiling.  I’m sure that friends I have now are irritated by my incessant need to post about my love of the word Fuck, or recipes that I have every intention of making, but never seem do make the time to do it.  Everyone’s lives are different and what might be tragic or life disrupting for them, might not even cross your radar.

Since graduation, there are many things I’m ridiculously happy about.  I no longer get phone calls from school saying my kid missed one or more periods, when in fact he was in school all day.  I no longer care that the school was on lockdown or that there was water in the gym.  Would I care if there was a shooter, yes, absolutely, because I am not a monster.  But for the water in the gym?  No, that’s just poor construction on the districts part.  I’m still involved with the football program, but don’t have the pressure of being involved 100% and could walk away at any time.   

It doesn’t matter to me what your child is doing now after graduation… sure, I’m curious, but in all honesty, it doesn’t affect me if your kid went into the military, went to a two or four year college or is slinging burgers.  They need to do what is right for them.   Now this may seem heartless.  That I should care about my friends kids and what they are doing with their lives.   I do, but not in the way you think.  I don’t jump up and down when little Sally gets her first job at TJ Maxx, or little Johnny decides that life sucks at home and he knows he can do better on his own.  I do care about my friends and the fact that their lives change, every time their kids’ lives change, because I’ve lived it.

As a parent you spend 18 years raising your kids and hope that you got everything right so when they make that next step, albeit college or a job and moving out, that they are not little assholes; that they don’t lie or cheat; or when you come across someone that had interactions with them, you are proud to say they are your child and not embarrassed by them.

Now back to social media.  I post things I probably shouldn’t because I think they are funny or offensive.  If that upsets you, feel free to unfollow or delete me.  Every time a friend posts something I don’t agree with, I don’t find it necessary to comment because frankly it doesn’t affect me.  Does that mean I’m going to delete them?  No, because you are entitled to your opinion.  There are days I want to go rogue on that delete button, because if I have to see one more cryptic message, I might blow a gasket. 

You know the ones.  “So tired”.  Could you elaborate?  Did you run a marathon or are you just tired from sitting at your desk today? 

How about that one friend that says “GM people,” at 6:00 am?  Every.Single.Day. I get it.  You love the morning…your happy. I’m going back to bed. 

Or those that only talk about one of their kids and not the other.  Weird, but not unheard of…I just wonder why.

And then the ones that are so cryptic that you can just tell they are waiting for someone, anyone, to say that they have your back, when clearly you are so delusional no one has your back but they say they do just to see what you respond.

I read and then scroll over political posts, because frankly I just don’t want to debate.  I respect my friends too much to get into with over something that could end a friendship.  I see your religious posts, and if that is what you like, more power to you.  I grew up in a Catholic household so I understand living your faith…I also will not comment because you have a right to choose if you worship God or a plant, just please don’t push it on me.  I stalk your pictures, and pictures of your sisters, husbands, daughters and friends.  Don’t judge me, I just got sucked in.

I had a friend message me this morning apologizing for not having me take her child’s senior pictures, when we had talked about doing them multiple times.  She’s been asked by other friends to do them, but has opted to go to an indoor studio so she doesn’t upset her friends.  My advice to her: do what is right for you and your child.  If they are your friends, they won’t get upset if you go with someone else.  I’m not offended…I promise you that.  There have been several instances where this has happened, and she is the first to say anything to me.  The others I just saw pictures taken by another photographer and was never told I wasn't doing them.  So be it.

So on this lovely September morning, my words of wisdom are this:  Life is too short to give a shit about things that don’t affect you, and that post you read that you think is about you probably isn’t.  And if it is, who cares.  It’s an opinion.  And opinions are like assholes.

Three Weeks Later

This is the story of an old (~pseudo old~) married couple.  They met 28 years ago this month.  Four years after they met, they married.  A year after that had their first child, and four years after that their last.

Fast forward 24 years to the present.  Their boys are grown and at college.  They will come back on weekends and breaks, but for all intents and purposes, this couple is now an empty nest couple.

They have spent the last 24 years going to field trips and school sings, baseball practices and football games.  They went to conferences, until they realized that they didn't need to any longer because their boys were doing their homework.  They coached soccer and baseball teams.  They helped with homework and projects.  They picked out school clothes when the boys were younger, and handed over cash when they were older.  They watched when their youngest was in the hospital after a biking accident, and their youngest in the hospital he took a baseball to the face.  They've been their through surgeries and recoveries. They have been their through successes and defeat.  They witnessed their firstborn get his first tattoo (after a broken leg), his second (after recovery) and third (for his brother and their heritage). They saw their youngest accept an all conference nod, and scholarships from an alum of his chosen college who also happens to be his brother.

It's been 20 days since the youngest left for campus, nine days since the oldest left as well.  We have seen both of them multiple times in these last 20 days...the perks of having a campus so close to home.

Life as they know it has changed.  Dinners have been quicker to make (thinking two burgers and a salad, instead of six burgers, a salad, mac n cheese, pickles, chips and dip) or opting to go out instead; laundry is relatively painless; and the house has been quiet.  There are no boys upstairs gaming, or rough-housing.  Their dogs tried to sleep on their beds when they left, but end up in the couples room, most likely wondering when their brothers are coming home.  The nights laying in bed is often eerily quiet as there are no noises coming from their bedroom as the couple drifts off to sleep.

There have been phone calls and texts, and no doubt there will be more.  But there hasn't been good night hugs and kisses, when in reality who is to expect those from a 22 and 18 year old anyway?  (This mom...that's who).

Things will continue to evolve as this empty nest syndrome takes hold.  Trips to the cottage will be two people, two dogs, instead of the entire family.  Rooms will be cleaned and remain spotless until there is that one surprise visit.  Then chaos will ensue and the rooms will wait to be cleaned again, the couch cushions will have to be fluffed, the meals will be seven course, the laundry will pile up, the dogs will perk up, and this mom will get her hugs and kisses.