Mending Family Ties

How is it possible that you can grow up in a house with five kids, and as you grow older, you grow apart?  I'd like to say that what I remember best about growing up in a large family was all of the fun we had.  Instead, I remember being the youngest, and called an accident, or that my parents didn't want me until they had me.  I remember being close to the youngest boy in my family (who is still seven years older than me); being in awe of my older sister (who I thought was the coolest because she drove a 1976 Cutlass, and then I drove one too); being tortured by the second oldest son in our family who liked to treat me as his own tickling doll; and having nearly no relationship with the oldest son in our family who is 13 years older...the relationship only started after he married.

I come from a family that now has eleven grandchildren, five great grandchildren, and I believe four pseudo-step-grandchildren.  I say I believe, because I'm not quite sure.  I don't have the relationship I'd like to have with my nieces and nephews.   I blame it on distance...and time.  Things happened that broke the family apart.  I hate that my kids don't really know their cousins.

I saw a picture this week of my oldest brothers family, and I really tugged at the heartstrings.  I miss them.  All of them.

I miss all my nieces and nephews. I want to meet their children.  I want my kids to realize that there is more than just the two of them.  They have family.  A lot of family.

I'm thankful that I married into a family that is close.  Cousins are really more like siblings.  Siblings fight, then make up.  We get hugs and kisses from nieces and nephews and we giggle when get together.  We chuckle when the topic of discussion revolves around 'what happened way back then,' or when topics get repeated over and over again. 

Someday I hope that the relationship I have with my family will mend.  I don't want to reflect on life standing at funeral on what could have been.  I wish my siblings used social media so they would see this.

I can guarantee that no matter how mad I would be at my kids, their spouses and their kids, I would never, ever, cut them out of my life.  There is nothing more important than family.