It’s 3 a.m. I’ve struggled for the last hour to get back to sleep. But, I can’t. Yet again, I am tossing and turning, unable to shut down my brain. Why? Because I am stressed about work. And money. And the fest. And about a thousand other things. Really stressed. I’m so stressed that I can only think to write down what I really want to say — the real truth I’ve been needing to say — and vow to myself that I will get back on track tomorrow...
Why tomorrow? Because I am so unbelievably swamped at work I don't have time to get organized. I could use a couple of days at home, away from the office, to get back on track. Anyone that works in an office understands that. I need that quiet time, to not be interrupted by my email, or the phone, or the steady stream of staff that walks through the door from the entrance past my desk a hundred times a day. Those couple of days will end up being this weekend, most definitely on Saturday, possibly on Sunday.
I'm in the middle of launching a new website that was grandfathered to me when I started my job. I was given little to no direction and it's been as task that is exhausting at best. Everyone had an opinion. My intern has done quite a bit of work, but he's green and his solution to everything is sending out requests to the world for commentary. That means everyone wants a say in the flow of knowledge or design on the site. I finally put my foot down and stopped that madness. I don't doubt I'm walking a fine line and will probably be 'talked to' about my attitude.
Couple the site with designing and crafting new collateral for sales, a half dozen tradeshows that need e-blasts created and sent off to non-existent lists, and building a social media strategy above and beyond the LinkedIn only one my boss wants is exhausting.
Fast forward five hours and I am now sitting in a ‘Writing for the Web’ class, and trying to multitask through emails about work, donation items for the fest and polishing my resume.
The money stress comes naturally. I'm at a point now that I am truly frustrated by my lack of salary given my experience and education. I know I am worth more. My family sacrificed so I could finish my education and I should be much further ahead than I am now. My family deserves that. I'm at a point I think I need to look for more, yet again. I'm sick of struggling week after week.
The stress over the fest has been an annual undertaking for the last six years. I take on way too much and am at the realization I will do what needs to be done and will ask for forgiveness later. Thankfully, I have people willing to help…but they will be leaving when we leave as well, so getting younger parents to volunteer and be passionate about this is a struggle.