It’s 3 a.m. I’ve
struggled for the last hour to get back to sleep. But, I can’t.
Yet again, I am tossing and turning, unable to shut down my brain. Why?
Because I am stressed about work.
And money. And the fest. And about a thousand other things. Really stressed. I’m so stressed that I can only think to
write down what I really want to say — the real truth I’ve been needing to say
— and vow to myself that I will get back on track tomorrow...
Why tomorrow? Because
I am so unbelievably swamped at work I don't have time to get organized. I could use a couple of days at home, away
from the office, to get back on track.
Anyone that works in an office understands that. I need that quiet time, to not be interrupted
by my email, or the phone, or the steady stream of staff that walks through the
door from the entrance past my desk a hundred times a day. Those couple of days will end up being this
weekend, most definitely on Saturday, possibly on Sunday.
I'm in the middle of launching a new website that was
grandfathered to me when I started my job.
I was given little to no direction and it's been as task that is
exhausting at best. Everyone had an opinion. My intern has done quite a bit of work, but
he's green and his solution to everything is sending out requests to the world
for commentary. That means everyone
wants a say in the flow of knowledge or design on the site. I finally put my foot down and stopped that
madness. I don't doubt I'm walking a
fine line and will probably be 'talked to' about my attitude.
Couple the site with designing and crafting new
collateral for sales, a half dozen tradeshows that need e-blasts created and
sent off to non-existent lists, and building a social media strategy above and
beyond the LinkedIn only one my boss wants is exhausting.
Fast forward five hours and I am now sitting in a ‘Writing
for the Web’ class, and trying to multitask through emails about work, donation
items for the fest and polishing my resume.
The money stress comes naturally. I'm at a point now that I am truly
frustrated by my lack of salary given my experience and education. I know I am worth more. My family sacrificed so I could finish my
education and I should be much further ahead than I am now. My family deserves that. I'm at a point I think I need to look for
more, yet again. I'm sick of struggling
week after week.
The stress over the fest has been an annual undertaking for
the last six years. I take on way too much and am at the realization I will do
what needs to be done and will ask for forgiveness later. Thankfully, I have people willing to help…but
they will be leaving when we leave as well, so getting younger parents to volunteer
and be passionate about this is a struggle.
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