Monday, June 2, 2014

When Reality Strikes

For nearly the last four years, I have put off the inevitable.  I didn't schedule a mammogram.  My doctor put in the order at Froedtert, and it just sat there.  Every year I've gone in for my physical and he's mentioned it.  I always put it off.  I blamed work. I blamed my schedule.  I blamed the kids schedule.

Last year a friend of Doug's and mine was diagnosed with breast cancer and subsequently had to go through radiation and chemo.  Even that didn't convince me I should actually make my appointment.  

A couple of months ago another friend, one that I've been friends with for the last 15 years, had a scare and had to have surgery.  Then a second surgery.  It really hit home.  I scheduled my appointment, and as the day got closer, I started to make excuses.  I've been swamped at work.  Ryan had surgery scheduled.  Shawn was just getting home finishing his second year of college.

Needless to say, the morning of my mammogram, I hopped on the expresssway and started to go into work and was going to blow off the appointment.  I ended up getting off and swinging back to the hospital because it's about time I take care of myself.

It was the morning of May 23rd, two days after my youngest's knee surgery.  I had two interviews scheduled in my office, and we were leaving for our cabin promptly at 3:30.  I didn't have time to go, but I did.

On Monday, May 26 at 11:34 pm I received an email with a MyChart new test result.  I saw this email at around 3:00 am Tuesday morning.  It confirmed that they think they found something.  Four somethings.  I needed to schedule another mammogram and possible ultrasound.

Needless to say, I couldn't sleep the rest of that night.  I didn't wake my husband, I just laid in bed thinking about how stupid I was for waiting.  I called Froedtert Cancer Center on Tuesday morning and they said they couldn't schedule the new appointment until my doctor put through the order.  I sent him an email...the order went through the system at 4:29 pm on Tuesday.  I picked up the phone to call the CC and schedule the appt and they were closed for the day.  The next morning I had 8 am, 9 am and 10 am meetings, so I wasn't able to schedule anything until 11:30.

I made it through last week just wondering what was going to happen.  My first appointment was scheduled for this morning at 8:45 am, the second at 9:30.  I was there at 8:00 hoping I could get in early.  I did, and after two more mammograms and a dozen pictures, I was sent back to the waiting room to wait.  They needed to do the ultrasound.   

Fast forward to 9:45, and I was in there waiting yet again.  One full ultrasound, waiting, then the doctor came into to do a live ultrasound.  Fast forward to 10:30 am and the diagnosis is undetermined.  I have to have two, possibly three biopsies this week Wednesday.

Tomorrow is my 44th birthday.  I like to think I'm stronger than most people, but I sit here wondering what Wednesday will bring.  My kids wanted to give me my presents early tonight, I said no...I wanted something to look forward to tomorrow.

It could be nothing. It could just be a little spot on both sides.  I won't sit here and worry about something I cannot control.   I'll go through the night tonight attending my youngest's track banquet...I'll go to work tomorrow and Wednesday morning and get through my super busy days and hopefully keep my mind off the important things in life.  I'll celebrate my birthday, at home with my husband and kids...because that's what matters in life.   And I'll never, ever put off attending an appointment again.  

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