The Wait

No parent should ever need to take their child into surgery.  As we sit here waiting for Ryan's surgery, I think back to the others we've gone through.   Ryan had tubes put in twice and his adenoids taken out before he was 18 months old.   Fast forward 11 years and we were again faced with a surgery on Shawn's broken leg.

The year after, two more surgeries for Shawn and then one for Ryan after a baseball cleat to the face.

Let's not forget an 11 day hospital stay for Doug with a dozen procedures including emergency back surgery.

This never gets easier. In the big scheme of things, the number of surgeries isn't too bad.  It's hard understanding that since the only two surgeries I've had were when the boys were born.

As I watch Ryan sitting in bed watching Sports Center and laughing a Vines, it makes it easier to know he's going to go under the knife in less than an hour.

I love this kid with all my heart and know his demeanor and sense of humor will have him on the road to recovery in no time at all.  Love you Magoo.

Inspiration

I've been inspired.  I've been writing.  Alot.  I finally decided to sit down and tackle the book I always wanted to write.  I have no idea if anyone will read it, and that's ok.  It amazes me how the words flow when I do have a few minutes to write.  Thankfully, there has been no writers block.  Yet.  I know it's inevitable, which is why I take every spare moment to write; even if it means jotting down ideas in a notebook I keep on my desk that houses my to do list, or writing in my Notes app on my iPhone at 2:00 am when I can't sleep.

There were moments in the past where I have had great aspirations of writing the Great American novel.  I don't know where it came from, but it's always been in the back of my mind.  I said above it's ok if no one reads it... who am I kidding?  I want everyone to read it.  The fear of rejection is firmly sitting in the back of my mind, but as the words flow, it doesn't scare me any longer.  There will be people that don't care for my writing style.  I hope there are others that love it and decide to share it with their friends.  I've been making a list of who I would like to read the draft.  There are quite a few friends that I think will understand exactly what I am saying.  I'm hoping they laugh when I laugh, and cry when I cry, and that they are critical enough to make sure I'm not making a fool of myself.

I'm hoping to finish the rough draft by mid summer.  I think it's achievable even with life getting in the way.  Sit tight.  I might tap you for a critique.

The Push to Finish Strong

It's the push.  The push for my kids to finish out their respective sophomore years strong.  With a sophomore in college and a sophomore in high school, their lives couldn't be more different or more similar.  One is focusing on trying to pick out the right classes in the right order so he can move on with his life, while balancing a full class schedule, clinical education sessions, art projects, football practice, weightlifting practice and his fraternity.  The other is focusing on his current classes, which are just a small stepping stone to the next level, while balancing track season, weightlifting, deciding whether or not to try out for baseball, anticipation of a job, football camps, a drivers license and next football season. Add to that encouragement from mom and dad to start thinking about that next level and the possibility of playing college football and picking that right college.

When I think back to my sophomore years in high school and college, they were definitely laid back.  At least in my eyes. I knew that I wanted to go into accounting (which never happened) and was anticipating getting my drivers license while balancing classes and track schedule.  My sophomore year of college was much different.  I came home after a year at UWW.  It just wasn't for me.  I went to MATC for a year, lived at home and worked a 30 hour a week job...in accounting no less.  My parents didn't push me.  I was the fifth of five kids and by the time I graduated high school I knew I wanted to go to school, but I wasn't quite sure why.  When I think back, I should have finished what I started when it was right in front of me.  It took me 17 years to finish college.

The amount of stress that children, both young and adult, is overwhelming.  Sure, they have downtime.  The play video games, they hang out with friends, but the pressure to succeed is always there.  At least in my kids minds.  My husband and I pressure, I mean encourage, our kids to succeed.  There is no reason why they shouldn't succeed with the tools they have been given.   I saw Pinterest post on Facebook tonight that said "In 100 years we have gone from teaching Latin and Greek in high school to teaching Remedial English in college."  Where have we gone wrong?  Have our standards of education been simplified over time?  Are we now ok with barely passing to get through life?

I hope that the lessons I've taught, and my husband supported and taught on his own, are taken to heart by our kids.  Like most parents, there are days that my kids think we are the enemy.  We push them to succeed... but we encourage their failures.  Not on purpose, but we know that they only way they will learn is by trial and error.  I truly believe that they know that we do this out of love.  When they have children of their own, I hope the lessons we've taught are morphed into lessons of their own.

We've built a solid foundation for our kids to grow and thrive.  It hasn't been all lollipops and butterflies.  There have been trials and sacrifices. But I know for certain, they know we love them, unconditionally.  And we can't wait to see them finish out their respective educations and go on to great things.

Struggle, Stress and Resolve

It’s 3 a.m.  I’ve struggled for the last hour to get back to sleep.  But, I can’t.  Yet again, I am tossing and turning, unable to shut down my brain.  Why?  Because I am stressed about work.  And money.  And the fest.  And about a thousand other things.  Really stressed.  I’m so stressed that I can only think to write down what I really want to say — the real truth I’ve been needing to say — and vow to myself that I will get back on track tomorrow...

Why tomorrow?   Because I am so unbelievably swamped at work I don't have time to get organized.   I could use a couple of days at home, away from the office, to get back on track.   Anyone that works in an office understands that.   I need that quiet time, to not be interrupted by my email, or the phone, or the steady stream of staff that walks through the door from the entrance past my desk a hundred times a day.  Those couple of days will end up being this weekend, most definitely on Saturday, possibly on Sunday.

I'm in the middle of launching a new website that was grandfathered to me when I started my job.  I was given little to no direction and it's been as task that is exhausting at best.   Everyone had an opinion.  My intern has done quite a bit of work, but he's green and his solution to everything is sending out requests to the world for commentary.   That means everyone wants a say in the flow of knowledge or design on the site.  I finally put my foot down and stopped that madness.  I don't doubt I'm walking a fine line and will probably be 'talked to' about my attitude. 

Couple the site with designing and crafting new collateral for sales, a half dozen tradeshows that need e-blasts created and sent off to non-existent lists, and building a social media strategy above and beyond the LinkedIn only one my boss wants is exhausting.

Fast forward five hours and I am now sitting in a ‘Writing for the Web’ class, and trying to multitask through emails about work, donation items for the fest and polishing my resume.

The money stress comes naturally.   I'm at a point now that I am truly frustrated by my lack of salary given my experience and education.  I know I am worth more.  My family sacrificed so I could finish my education and I should be much further ahead than I am now.   My family deserves that.    I'm at a point I think I need to look for more, yet again.  I'm sick of struggling week after week.

The stress over the fest has been an annual undertaking for the last six years. I take on way too much and am at the realization I will do what needs to be done and will ask for forgiveness later.  Thankfully, I have people willing to help…but they will be leaving when we leave as well, so getting younger parents to volunteer and be passionate about this is a struggle.

It’s time to take a step back and reevaluate what is important now, and what can wait.  This weekend is going to test my resolve.

Growing Up

At some point in time in the last five years, my kids grew up.  Really grew up.  As 44 looms on the horizon, I've become the mom of one adult and one near-adult.  How?  When? Why?  I don't know.

It seems like just yesterday we were going to youth soccer games and t-ball games, laying on the floor building Lego's houses and garages, coloring Power Ranger books, assembling 500 piece puzzles and learning to ride bikes without training wheels.

As the years progressed, soccer was overrun by high school and college football, t-ball games turned into Little League, then freshman, JV and Varsity level games, Lego's morphed into CAD designs at school, coloring turned into college level Art classes with trips to Chicago, Milwaukee and Madison art museums and puzzles turning into running for a class office position.  Bikes are a thing of the past and have been replaced with four wheel drive trucks and snowmobiles that go 80 mph comfortably on the lakes, up to 110 mph when the ambition strikes, and jumps that end up breaking handlebar risers.

My husband and I joke that we have no idea what we will talk about after our youngest leaves for college.  We are involved in our kids lives to the fullest extent.  We join clubs, we help run programs, we started a traveling baseball team just to get our youngest some greater exposure.   We spend hours after work running around to practices; helping run the clock and announcing plays at the games, and hours on the field taking action shots of throwers in track, baseball and football players.  I honestly have no idea on the number of hours I've spent on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights downloading, editing and uploading hundreds of pictures to my Facebook page.

Two years ago when our oldest went away to college, we traveled on Saturday's.  We went to nine of twelve football games just on the off chance he'd get in to play.   That same year, our Thursday nights were spent at the football fields in the Greater Metro area, watching our youngest play; then we did the same thing on Friday nights watching every other kid play.  This past season we went to Thursday and Friday night games to watch our youngest play, and traveled to eight of ten games.  This coming season we assume we'll be going to Friday night games, and will travel to ten of ten college games (hopefully more!) with the furthest being a seven hour drive.  That seven hour drive will be done after a Friday night game.  Four and half on Friday night leading into Saturday morning to our cabin; the rest done in the morning Saturday to make the 1 pm start.

As my oldest finishes his second year of college and my youngest finishes his second year of high school, I know for certain I wouldn't change anything.  I love being involved in their lives.  It feels good to get random texts during the day, or pictures or jokes that brighten my day.

I know for certain that my husband is of the same mindset.  Our kids are our world.  As they grow up, I will certainly soak up every minute I can get and will make sure that I continue to encourage good memories, even if it means sending a box of goodies to college to make my oldest smile, kiss my youngest good morning and good night every day, and will attend every track meet, baseball and football game without reservation.

Type A

Sometimes I wonder if I have OCD, ADHD, and procrastination tendencies.  I mentioned earlier today that I love to read just about everything.  My mind works in mysterious ways that I can't quite follow. I pop from platform to platform, activity to activity and volunteer for just about everything.

I start crossword puzzles I don't finish.  I play games on my phone and Kindle that I never win.  I go from reading a book on marketing campaign generation to one on dystopian societies to an article on bullying.  I've tried to learn to crochet; I've spent time doing needlepoint and making quilts.   I started a blog a year ago and it was put aside.

I'm pushy when it comes to getting things done with the kids sports teams.  I'm obsessive about it.  I want to make sure that lists are created and updated mainly for my own use; usually because I'm the one sending out dozens of emails over the course of a season.  I like being in charge.

A typical day in a work day starts with checking my personal social media feeds.  Today, I did that and more.  I checked my work social media feeds; updated my blog (new!); checked my work email;  adding 200 contacts to an eblast feed; built six sell sheets with copy including content and images; checked social media; grabbed a bite to eat; read a chapter on my Kindle; added another 150 contacts to the same eblast feed; approved website content I put in the hands of my Intern; avoided the pregnant woman at work (again); approved three invoices for payment; purchased new images from Shutterstock; took pictures of two new mascots; designed a backdrop for an upcoming show; worked on fine tuning my social media campaign; avoided the pregnant woman (yet) again; checked social media; talked to my boss about a two hour meeting we are having tomorrow.  Then I hopped in the truck, came home, picked up my husband, grabbed Chinese for dinner, took my hubby home, got gas, went to my youngest's school and waited for him to finish practice; checked my social media feeds; read three pages on my Kindle; drove home; fed the kid and sat down to get some prep work done for tomorrow.

As I sit here prepping for tomorrow's meeting, I've checked my social media feed; checked Amazon for any free books; answered some PM's on Facebook; added some more contacts to the eblast; edited some content; sent a few emails; and now writing this blog.  

After I hit publish, I'll go back to work for another hour; will watch Idol results, then Ridiculousness, then I'll read until bedtime and then I'll read for another hour or so.

Do I have OCD or ADHD? Probably not.  Do I procrastinate. Yes.  Some of my best work happens when I procrastinate.

I think I'm just Type A.

Information Overload

I read.  A lot.  Books, blogs, magazine articles, posts, tweets, texts, content, collateral, newsfeeds.  It’s in my nature.  I read at home.  I read at work.  I read when I’m waiting to pick up my kid from practice.  I read when we head to our cabin, and when I’m waiting in a drive through, and at the doctor, and while I’m cooking dinner.   In 2013 I read 115 books.  You get the picture.

Lately, I seem to be on information overload.  I’m sure my husband thinks I’m an information junkie.  I’m tied to my phone, and my Kindle, and information that has nothing to do with me.  When I sit down at my desk in the morning, I open my work email.  Before it even loads, I head right to the internet and open Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Gmail, and Amazon.   Then I open two Facebook work accounts, two work Twitters, Pinterest, and Google Plus.   Then I go back to my email.  I must note, though, I had already looked at my email before 7 am.  That’s on my phone.  My work account, our home account, a gmail account, and my kids accounts.    I’ll be honest.  I don’t read everything in my email.  If its Facebook notifications, or LinkedIn notifications, or Groupon, or Amazon or Google Alerts, they get deleted, or saved elsewhere.  In the six accounts I have on my phone, there are 507 unread messages, most of which have been scanned and marked as new so I can go back to them.  In the next month or so, that number will double.  Although it’s only April, we are leading into planning for the upcoming football season.  I send out emails to about 200 parents on an as needed basis.  That blog is for another day.

Back to information overload.  Because I read so much on social media platforms, I get caught up in the feed (aka drama in some cases).    I’ll admit it.  I get caught up in my friends lives.  I want to know what’s going on.   I’ll mention something to my husband and he gives me this blank stare that basically says “I don’t care”.  I get that.  I really do.  Why I am so fascinated by what goes on in other’s lives amazes me.  Sometimes I think I should be a Gossip Columnist.  I would rock that job.  If you could see me when I scan feeds I shake my head and chuckle quietly.  The ups and downs of a single person astounds me.  No one has that much drama in their life.     And, honestly, why do people find it necessary to have conversations via Twitter?  Isn’t that what texting or PM’ing is for?  What could you have possibly said in 16,000 tweets?

For now I'll continue reading.  I will, however, make a conscious effort to avoid (reading) the drama.