Invading Deer Camp

Yes, you read right.  Not only did I, but my sister-in-law and I invaded deer camp this past weekend.  Anyone that lives in Wisconsin knows this is the most scared of times.  I've been married to my husband for 23 years, with him for 27; my sister-in-law has been married to my brother-in-law for 16 years, with him for 25.  Never have either of us stepped foot within a 250 mile radius of the hunting grounds.

Normally, we both become deer hunter widows.  We've had dinner dates, movies, cookie exchanges and shopping trips.  My MO is to paint anything I can get my hands on in our house.  Every year changes; sometimes it's cabinets, sometimes it's walls.  This year, there was no painting.

Our family dynamic changed this fall when our father-in-law passed away.  Our husbands chatted between themselves and decided it was time to bring to camp.  

Now you can imagine, my first thought was "no way, never going to happen, I like my alone time".  I didn't want to cook or clean for the group, nor did my sister-in-law.   We both like our freedom that weekend, which normally consists of not doing dishes for four days and living on take out Chinese or pizza.

This year we welcomed the change.  The boys (both husbands, and our two sons) went Thursday, and we left Friday to make the 4 1/2 hour trip after work.  We chatted the entire time and the 4 1/2 hours felt like about 60 minutes.

We were given the option to sleep in  on Saturday morning, but we both braced for the 4:30 am wake up call when we had gone to bed well after midnight.  Before we headed out, I started making our dinner...what would be a full Thanksgiving dinner.  (Remember, I didn't want to cook).

She went with her husband; I sat with our youngest son.  I've come to appreciate the patience a deer hunter must have.  I was cold (14 degrees that first morning), and I needed to pee.  It's not like I'm male and can just whip it out and take care of business.  Nope...leave the logistics to your imagination.

There is something so very surreal when you see your 17 year old's face light up when he sees that first deer.  I watched him from the comfort of my chair get up, turn his chair on its side, and take aim.  The shot was well over 150 yards; a distance even the most seasoned hunter would have trouble with.  I was able to video the action, and I realized that my heart was about to jump out of my chest.   Watching him take aim, hold his breath and shoot was incredible.  Sadly, the shot was low and the doe took off.  The disappointment on his face was terrible.  I wanted it for him.  The disappointment on his part was because he wanted me to see it.  Shortly thereafter I saw a doe prance off into the woods, and then a buck follow.  He decided against the shot because it was even further than the first.  We headed back to camp.

Everyone else went out later the day and little luck again, but they all came back to what was a sleep inducing meal.  I think everyone needed it.  We laughed.  We told stories.  It was exactly what I needed.

Day two started out much like day one.  An early morning wake up call.  My sister-in-law went with my brother-in-law again, my boys hunted together, and I braved the cold (this time 9 degrees) with my husband.  The view was breathtaking.  We were over a ridge and were able to watch the sunrise.  I had only wished I had my Canon with me.  My phone didn't do it justice, and the cold was just too much for it.

I lasted a few hours and headed back to camp to get breakfast ready.  No one had luck the second morning.  Everyone headed out around lunch, and I decided I better nap since I had a five hour drive home (longer than Friday, taking our oldest back to college).  I was out for 2 1/2 hours, only to be abruptly woken by something.  That something turned out to be my boys tagging a deer.  Our oldest got the lone doe this season.  He was determined to take something, since the love of his life had gotten one the day before with her family. 

What I am most proud of is that our boys did it together.  There were no arguments; there was no one storming off.  Our oldest asked our youngest to use the lone doe tag of the group.  

Our family doesn't hunt just for the sport.  They don't take more than they eat and would never hunt illegally.  There were five deer in our yard and they could easily been taken, but it was well after sunset.

I spent the end of Sunday driving my oldest back to college.  It was nice spending some alone time with him since he's away at school and normally we just text.  There were only a few moments where I wanted to throw him out the truck (sorry kiddo).  Knowing that he'll graduate soon and move out, I appreciate these few moments.

My sister-in-law helped my husband clean the cottage before the left on Monday.

Needless to say, invading deer camp wasn't what I thought it was.  We still cooked, and cleaned, which is ok, because I love to cook, and she loves to clean.  I guess it's who we are.

Will we go back next year?  I think so.  They might have another hunter on their hands though because I'm the best shot in the house. 

It's Not Goodbye...It's See You Later.

The last two weeks have been simply awful.  Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to my father-in-law.  He's been in my life for 27 years; nearly as long as my father before he passed away.  For all intents-and-purposes...he was my dad.   

What we thought was a stomach issue, turned into something so much more.  Over the course of two weeks and too many procedures to count, the man that I've watched eat pizza until he'd bust, walk around eight miles at a car show, and build furniture just because we asked, couldn't fight any longer.   There is something very surreal in watching someone you love be taken from you right in front of your eyes.

When my father died, I wasn't there.  I was on vacation with my husband.  We saw my dad five days before he passed away, and then I saw him when he was laid out for his wake.

This time, we were there by his side and my mother-in-laws side 14 of 15 days.  The only day we weren't there we called.  My husbands (and now my) family is very close.  There were times when I thought the hospital door was a revolving door.  Everyone wanted to see dad.  He's been a rock in this family.  He's the one that ensured my husband make it to hockey practice at 5 am.  He's the one that made sure my husband and his brother knew how to work on cars.  He's the one that showed them both how to treat their wives.  He's the one that told stories, sometimes over and over again, to our boys...often things that they just didn't want to hear.  He's the one that got picked on at car shows by his son's, only because that's what they did.  He's the one that had a phrase for just about everything.... "down the road a piece", "you're about as useless as two tits on a board" and the every popular "were you born in a barn?" 

Dad was preceded in death by 11 of 12 brothers, 1 of 2 sisters, his mother and his father, mother-in-law and father-in-law.  Leaving behind a sister that lives in the same city, and a brother that lives in the South, there family was closer than many. I married into a family that was and is very close.  Cousins are treated as siblings.  Aunts and uncles were treated as additional parents.   Extended family is treated as family.

Dad rescued a chihuahua a few years ago from near our family cottage in northern Wisconsin.  He brought him home and gave him all the love he needed.  Brownie quickly became part of the family and proceeded to bite (nip) just about everyone in the family except dad and mom.  The last two weeks has been hard on Brownie and Roscoe (their other dog).  No one really thinks about leaving pets behind.  We had anticipated bringing Brownie to the hospital and had it approved, but quickly realized that it wasn't a good idea.  The first few days dad was in the hospital, Brownie didn't eat.  After a few more days, he warmed up to the rest of us and started eating.  I don't doubt it's going to be very hard in the coming weeks for him as well.

I'd like to believe there is life after death.  Until that happens, I know that dad will live on through his boys and our boys.  If there is, I hope that dad and my dad are both the angels on our shoulders, or voice of reason, when we need a little guidance, or a swift boot in the ass.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight.  You never know when your world will turn upside down and be faced with tragedy.  See you later dad.

The Clean Slate

I would give anything to turn back the clock.  Right now, my family's future is uncertain.  We are at the mercy of recruiters and employers, home buyers and mortgage lenders, doctors, specialists, insurance companies, and time.  I can't say I'm a woman of faith...it's been years since I willingly went into a church to pray.  I don't know if what we are going through as a family will get me to go back.  I do know that at night I try to think of alternatives to working a traditional job.

There are days in between looking for jobs and looking for clients that I pray that we win the lottery and we could just move forward with our lives.  My husband and I work hard.  We don't know how to be lazy.  We want to work.  We want to volunteer.  We want our lives to be normal again.  This 'new normal' plainly sucks.

Monday I spent a large part of the day following up on interviews and letters and basically had to pry out the "thanks but no thanks" messages.  For a brief hour, I spent it at PT to try to get some relief from the car accident we were in a few weeks ago.

Tuesday, I had to go to the unemployment office to prove that I am actually looking for jobs.  I needed to present a piece of paper with the four jobs I looked for last week.  (In full disclosure, I applied for probably eight times that).  The meeting took all of two minutes.  I understand that they need to check up on people, but seriously?  Was it really necessary to present that info when you already get it electronically?

Today, I had a two hour interview at a very cool company. Met with a woman that appears to be everything I want in a boss, toured the location, and was told I was one of two top candidates.  I was surprised when she candidly told me she wanted to bring me back in next week.  Thankfully, it's scheduled for Tuesday, and I hope that I am what they are looking for.  I have several interviews scheduled over the next few days, to which I am thankful for.  I am getting pretty good at talking about myself, but am honestly tired of interviewing. 

We were greeted with the second of two acceptance letters for our son's choice of colleges.  It's a blessing knowing that all the hard work he has done for the last three plus years has paid off.

Tomorrow will be spent trying to find volunteers for a football game, looking for potential customers for my husbands business, and following up on more jobs.

Friday will end with a football game and those few hours where I can get lost in my photography and watch my son's team win the game.

Saturday and Sunday will be spent with family, and taking some baby and family pictures.  For this I am thankful.

There is so much I want to say about what else is going on, but I've made a promise to myself that I won't, just yet, because it involves others.  I'm digging back into my book, getting ready to send it for editing and have decided to dedicate to a very important man in my life.

The clean slate starts today.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I know that I will apply for jobs until the right one sticks.  I know that I will use all of my education and experience and help build my husbands client base, because it's what I do best.  I will tackle editing senior pictures and get them ready to send off for printing. I will help my kids with anything they need.  I will finish my book.  I will be the best wife, mother, daughter and friend I can be.

Just Another Day in the Life

In this little thing we call life, I have been summarily dismissed, outsourced, restructured from my most recent job.  Talk about a downer.  I actually liked that job.  I really liked that job.  An up and coming company that had a great story to tell, I hit daily obstacles when it came down to actually getting my job done.  Personally, I felt the exec team didn’t trust their staff and proceeded to put those obstacles in place.  So here I am again, a year after I lost my last job to outsourcing, looking for another job.

In a normal setting, this would be stressful.  Add to it a new career my husband is launching, in which I am fully confident he will be extremely successful at, a senior in college, a senior in high school with scholarship applications and college essays to write, and the thought of our insurance ending at the end of the month, it is downright taxing, hard, tough, traumatic…you pick the adjective.

As I sit here taking a break from creating a software template he can use for this new venture and the phone calls and emails I had to make this morning, I think about the marketing pieces I will create and the website that will be launched, the insurance that needs to be purchased and how I can help him be successful.  Don’t forget about the photography sessions in the works, the job searching and scheduled interviews, what the game day program will look like after I pick it up from the printer and if every parent will show up to walk with their players, organizing the buttons for parents night, if we will get enough volunteers the rest of the season and what it will be like asking parents again for donations to end of season gifts.  Don’t even get me started on my novel that needs my final edits, and then to be sent off to a few key critics that can do a read through.  And my photography website that needs an overhaul, the phone calls that need to be made, and surprisingly enough the gesture of having my nemesis contact me and say I could use him as a reference.

In the last week, we had to get rid of one of our trucks since it was making a not-so-great noise and my husband felt he couldn't trust it any longer for our trips to the cottage.  Thankfully my husband is mechanically gifted and we might have found a gem of a new vehicle at a price that wasn’t tragic.  I can hear him pounding on something on the truck, nothing that he can't handle, just another example of a truck owner that didn't give a shit about how he took care of his vehicle because that owner would just go buy something new with the money he's earned from his job. News flash. That job could be gone tomorrow.  Take care of your crap.

Yes, this is a woe-is-me post.  I don’t do them often.  From the outside, we are a well-adjusted, relatively successful family that works hard and plays hard.  On the inside, we have been thrown for the loop and are now finding ourselves picking up the pieces.   Do I think that I won’t find a job?  No, that has never crossed my mind.  Do I think that now that I’m 45 that it might be slightly harder to find a job, potentially…but it’s what I can offer a new employer that matters.  Hiring me makes sense.  Yes, my salary is higher, but my experience should count for something.  Right?

I'll apologize now for those that know me and run into me in public.  I may not be my bubbly self.  

Bittersweet Memories

Anyone that knows me, knows my life revolves around my kids lives.  As we are finishing up summer and leading into fall, it means one thing: It's Football Season.

This year is a bittersweet season. It's our youngest son's senior season.  My husband and I have been active members of our kids football careers for what seems like forever.  For our oldest, it was two years of youth football, four years of high school and three years of college.  Our youngest was three years of youth football, three years (so far) of  high school, this upcoming season, and what will hopefully be a college career too.

We live in a city with two high schools. Rival high schools.  I've noticed recently that the rivalry isn't just a friendly rivalry.  It's a division of the entire city.  My husband grew up in this town and went to the rival school.  Had borders been in place, our kids would have gone to the rival school.  Our kids chose to go to their current school. We gave them that choice. They are both excellent students and we felt that it was their lives, and they needed to live them every day, so we left it up to them.  Both schools have outstanding academic programs (though some people outside the district might think differently).  Both have AP classes; both have full sports programs; both are really good schools. The indoor and outdoor sports facilities are shared, and unfortunately it is perceived that because the outdoor facility is on our school grounds, that it is our facility.  The indoor facility is at our rival school school and allows for shared hosting of indoor events.

I won't get into a debate about shared facilities, what we get vs. what they get... or what they get vs. what we get or even where money comes from to buy whatever it is that schools buy. It's a frustrating topic and just creates animosity among the schools and feeds into the division.

What frustrates me is the division of friendships because of the rivalry.  When our boys were in middle school, the rivalry was present.  The only time it really showed was during the youth football team rivalry week.  Every other week of the year, both sides got along.  They ate lunch together.  They joked in the hallways.  They went to movies together.   

Now, it's become an ever present nightmare of we are better than you, you are worse than us from both sides of the coin.  How about everyone just takes a step back and realize that we are from the same city and it could possibly be our city against another city.  Go back to a good, clean rivalry.  

I am one of the first ones to like things on social media when the rival school does something good.  I'm happy when they succeed.  I'm happy when they win games.  I feel bad when they don't.  Kids on those teams were kids that my husband coached for years in youth baseball.  We watched them grow up and are happy when they are successful.  We want to see them get into good colleges, and get the accolades they deserve.  When one team goes to the state playoffs or matches, or a single student gets accepted to a prestigious college, I am beyond happy.  That means our teachers, our coaches, our administrators have done something right.  It's our city.

The memories I have from our kids in youth sports and grade school and middle school are bittersweet.  Some of my closest friends are from that rival school.  Our oldest son attended prom at the rival school instead of his own prom.  He missed his friends and wasn't going to let something like a little rivalry stop him from that experience.

Ultimately, I want my kids, and those kids that have been part of our lives for years, to know that no matter what they think about this rivalry, once you graduate high school and move to the next level, none of this matters.  Unless you get stuck in high school and can't move away from what was, you will make new friends.  And if you are lucky enough, you'll rekindle friendships from grade school and middle school, and even from your rival high school.

Why I Volunteer

Leading into my youngest son's senior year of high school, I've done some reflecting on what volunteer footprint I'm leaving.

I can't speak for my friends that volunteer, but this is why I do.

• I don't do it for my kids (sort of) - in all honestly, I don't think they care whether or not I volunteer.  Let me be clear though. They are what drove me to volunteering.  Had they not been in active in sports, I don't know that I would have walked that path.  
• I do volunteer for my kids teams, teachers, coaches - it's to make their lives a little bit easier.  They can focus on what's important; prepping for games, teaching instead of spending hours grading math papers, and focusing on coaching kids into the best athletes they can be.
• I don't do it to be recognized - if you are doing it for recognition, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
• I don't do it so my kids get special privileges at school - they can do that on their own by being good students and good citizens.
• The volunteers I've worked with have become great friends.  Sure, we can bitch when it comes down to others that don't help, but our common bond at the end of the day is feeling pretty damn good at what was accomplished.
• I don't just volunteer when it comes to my kids school or their sports.  I'm the first one to step up at work when something needs to get done.  I'm a firm believer in that we are all in this together, and sometimes you just need to dig in and help.
• I've stopped worrying about others helping.  They have their reasons, which frankly are not my concern.  Everyone has their reasons why they do, or do not, want to help.  I can only hope that when there is a need, we will find the way to get everything done.
• I let people that complain about what volunteers do or don't do roll off my back.  The only way to make a difference in what a volunteer does is by helping.  If you don't want to help, don't expect to get buy in from those that do.
• I volunteer in hopes that my kids following in my footsteps.  I certainly don't take all the credit, because my husband is right beside me when it comes to volunteering.  He may grumble when I sign him up to help, but he loves it as much as I do, and has spent years along side me helping, and even more years coaching teams that our kids did not play on.
• I'm selfish in that I put volunteering on my resume.  It makes me appear more employable.
• I don't question how a volunteer coach interacts with my kids.  Keep in mind, if there is a need, I would step in.  But in hindsight, they are volunteers.  They aren't getting paid to spend time with your kids, and having parents breathe down their necks make their job that much harder.  With that being said, if I had to step in, it would be done after the game, one on one with the coach.  It is never acceptable to criticize a coaches interaction or decisions in front of other parents or players.
• I welcome criticism when making volunteer decisions...but keep in mind, if you aren't offering a solution, I probably won't listen to you.
• I volunteer because I feel damn good at the end of the day when I do it. They might be long hours when getting ready for a sports season, lots of hours when you are helping glue googly eyes on art projects in kindergarten classes, and even longer hours spent editing hundreds of photos for peoples enjoyment.  
• I've taken my love of volunteering and turned into into enjoyment for others.  I love the look on peoples faces when they go through a game day program that I've designed, or when I get like after like on pictures I've taken game after game.  (Note, I know they aren't perfect, but I try...and I'm willing to stand for hours on end hoping to get that perfect shot that is forever captured digitally).

All-in-all, I volunteer because I love it.  It's bittersweet going into my youngest son's final football season of high school (with any luck, he'll be playing past high school). I apologize to everyone that knows me, the next four months I will be knee deep in trying to keep the tears at bay, all while encouraging others to help out when I finally hang up my volunteer hat for this high school experience.   All I ask, is that when you see me walking towards you, don't walk the other direction.  You will get far more in return from volunteering than in the effort you will ever put out.

Here We Go Again

This has been a horrible year.  It's also been a great year.  Actually, I think it's been the last few years that have a mix of ups and downs.  

On the up side, we've gone through a high school graduation and admittance to multiple colleges.  We also went through high ACT scores, great GPA's, successful football seasons and general calm that comes through raising good kids.   We are on the cusp of two more graduations, another college choice and a sense of peace knowing our kids are on their way.

On the down side, the last year we have gone through multiple job changes. Some due to well thought through decisions, and unfortunately some not of our own doing.

Also on the down side, our family has eleven hospital visits and/or procedures and surgeries since October 2010.  For a family of four, that seems pretty high to me.  

Last week was a horrible week.  Coming off a trip to Austin for a tradeshow that I helped successfully execute, the week was filled with travel issues, a fried hard drive, and a coworker that is only happy when he is complaining about everything.  After getting back to the office and trying unbury, my husband called me at work Thursday to tell me he was heading to the doctor.  Now, for those of you that know him, and his stint at the hospital a few years ago, this was something that I wouldn't take lightly.  He hates doctors.  He hates hospitals.  He's also convinced that nothing will kill him.  I have to twist his arm when his doctor calls to get him to come in for a check up.

So I don't embarrass him, this particular incident that had him running to the doctor. The first thing that came to mind from our doctor was cancer.  No lead up...no saying let's explore this further.  It was, call the hospital and make an appointment now.  Our doctor is one of the most attentive physicians I have ever encountered.  He is a teaching physician, and we often subjected to his minions checking us out first, only to watch them get yelled at when they misdiagnose.  I honestly believe that given the last stay in the hospital nearly took his life, our doctor will do everything in his power to make sure that whatever we face, we will do it as fast as possible.  

On Friday, my husband lost his job.  I'd like to ask why this is possible, but the company he was working for was shady at best, so it's probably a blessing in disguise.  Are the gods against us?  At times, we think yes.

Fast forward a few days, after a long weekend of uncertainty, and a plan to go back to school, the job situation is on the mend. 

Today was the hospital visit, and thankfully, everything turned out ok.  There will be a follow up, but there is nothing to worry about, other than some minor changes.

It is now 7:00 pm, a mere nine hours after the procedure, and my husband is on the phone with our doctor.  He had nothing to do with the procedure, but he called to check on him.  He is an incredible physician, even if he complains about not seeing us often enough.

Collectively, as a family, we tackle everything together.  We support each other without question and we will get through whatever is put in front of us.  I know that this just make us stronger as a family, because adversity builds character and this family doesn't know how to fail.